Alloha anyhow folks, been a while I know but whilst those BASTARDS in the law school decided to fail me in Commercial law by one F****** mark, I’ve been a bit pre-occupied. Let me go on record saying that I HATE the whole Commercial department.... one goddamn mark. There was no need. So now I’ve got to pass a resit in August or I’m totally buggered, and there’s the possibility that passing 13 out of the 14 exams so far won’t mean anything. Then again, nobody reading this will really care to be honest. GAH.

One other pointless, non-wrestling bit of information, forgive me if the word FASHION pops up anywhere in the essay. The goon squad has indeed come to town. What a song by David Bowie. Beep Beep.

So anyhow.... Wrestlemania XX. Yay I hear you say. Twenty years in the making, The biggest stage of them all, where it all begins again, bla bla bla. Let’s be honest... if this has been twenty years in the making then you have to wonder how much time they’ve wasted. I mean, the card, as it stands looks like this:

• Brock Lesnar v Goldberg – Special Ref: Steve Austin
• HHH v Shawn Michaels v Chris Benoit – Raw World Title
• Eddie Guerrero v Kurt Angle – Smackdown World Title
• Kane v Undertaker
• John Cena v Big Show – US Title
• Evolution v Rock and Sock
• Christian v Jericho
• Generic Tag Team of Doom v Dudleys v La Resistance v Booker T/RVD - Raw Tag Team Titles
• Rikishi & Scotty vs. The APA vs. The Bashams vs. Haas & Benjamin
• Cruiserweight open
• Victoria v Molly
• Stacy and Miss Jackie v Sable and Torrie

So um... yeh. Lots of matches, and some really good ones, on the card... but at the end of the day am I the only one who thinks that they could have done better? This is Wrestlemania XX after all.

Before I go into detail, just by looking at that card I can only see about...4 matches that look like they belong at Wrestlemania. No casual fan is going to be interested in the event, giving the usual annoying, and ignorant cry of “Why isn’t Austin fighting? Why is Mick Foley not Mankind anymore and why is he not wrestling in a 1v1 match? There’s too many nobodies in wrestling these days”. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

I really can’t wait for Brock v Goldberg, and I just wish the WWE would just save face and I dunno, call it a double main event so they can have Brock v Goldberg closing the event. Because we all know it’s going to be the match that defines that Wrestlemania, like Hogan v Rock for WM XVIII. But noooooo, just like at WM XVIII we’re going to have a second rate “main event”. Perfect opportunity for an anti-HHH comment here, in that it’s interesting to note he’s been involved in both cases.

Can I just ask anyone at this moment in time that doesn’t like Brock Lesnar to close the browser and just walk away slowly from the PC... thanks. And take that “you sold out” chant with you.

Ok ok ok, so Brock is technically selling out, and being a total Helwig (which is quite ironic since I always described Brock as being “the Ultimate Warrior, but with wrestling ability”) but... um, he’s a nice guy? I honestly don’t understand why I stick up for Brock, I know he’d have no time for someone like me, or indeed any fan of his... but I’m such a Brock mark it’s unbelievable. Which is why I’m gutted that he’s leaving, and along with Goldberg, you don’t need me to point out that losing those 2 is absolutely awful for the WWE just as they were building up 2 more stars which the casual fans were warming up to (Goldberg isn’t a “new” star as such, but you get the point ok). Disappointing news, and they certainly didn’t need it just before WMXX. Could be quite embarrassing for them actually.

Perhaps I’m being naive in believing the story that Brock is leaving, but I suppose it’s just that I’d like to think that the WWE wouldn’t do such a pointless thing as create such a work. If it ends up being a work I’ll be happy in a sense, but I’ll feel, I dunno, more pissed off at the WWE for pulling such a pointless stunt.

Back to the point, Brock v Goldberg as the defining match, good stuff... but then you get to the other matches... and Shawn Michaels v HHH v Chris Benoit. I’m sure I’m not the only one who thinks that match will actually be quite crap. Surely Wrestlemania is where you save your best feuds, particularly for the 20th one in your history. It’s the same reason why Big Show v John Cena won’t be any better than “ok”, or maybe even “quite good”. Wrestlemania is where you don’t just throw 2 guys into a match like it feels Benoit has been done into the HHH v HBK feud. I hope you understand my point here. They could easily have just saved HHH v HBK for Wrestlemania.

Stuff like Kane v Undertaker should be good, no matter what anyone says, since their feud was always entertaining, and they’ve had reasonably good matches in the past (I hear a couple of people groaning already, ah.... shut it). I’d also say the same about Christian v Jericho since the feud has been built up so well... and although it’s a 3 v 2 match the Rock and Sock one will be another great one I think, due to the well built up feud. Eddie v Angle should also be good as well.

Then you’ve got your card fillers such as the annual fatal four way for the tag belts, which always gives an indication of how the tag division is doing at that time. And looking at this one, my goodness... pish. Let us pause first and laugh at the Dudley Boys wrestling in yet another. Hahhaha. Poor guys, the wrestlers they’re forced to work with just get worse each year. I can’t be bothered going through the other matches because to be frank they aren’t great, and you don’t need me to tell you what’s going to be good and what’s going to be pish because I’m assuming you’re all intelligent individuals, bar the HHH fans.

So fair enough, looks like a reasonably good event up to a point. But is it Wrestlemania standard? And in particular, Wrestlemania XX standard? Remember last year’s brilliant card, Booker v HHH, Rey v Matt Hardy, Jericho v HBK, Austin v Rock, McMahon v Hogan, Brock v Angle. And there was nothing special about the number 19. Sorry but I just can’t see the casual fan being interested in this years Wrestlemania. If they’re going to hype something as much as they have done... then what the hell are they doing having Benoit v HHH v HBK on top of what is already a pretty mediocre card?

Before all the Benoit fans start hitting me with sticks, let me say this. Benoit should get the title one day perhaps if you reeeeeeeally want it (personally I wouldn’t cry if he didn’t), but WM XX is not the right place for Benoit’s big moment. By that I mean that he shouldn’t even be in the main event. Not at such a milestone Wrestlemania. Perhaps I’m being a bit harsh... but if we’re watching the WWE we have to apply the WWE rules, and that is that someone like Benoit shouldn’t represent a global company at their biggest ever event. What idiot in management thought Benoit was marketable?

Now stop getting angry already, I like Benoit. I respect Benoit and I think he’s great. I’m just being realistic in that Benoit is, to the casual fan, boring. He might wrestle as well as Bret Hart, some may say even better than, but he doesn’t have the ‘it’ thing that Bret had in my eyes. Because of the brand’s nature (being more legitimate athlete orientated in a lot of ways), I could let him get away with being Smackdown champion, but Raw just doesn’t suit Benoit at all. And judging by the responses I’ve got out of the mark population, they all pretty much seem to be saying the same thing. Come to think of it this pretty much represents my whole “Is that it?” attitude towards Wrestlemania XX.

Hogan should be there, I know he’s an ass but even if it was for one, ONE night only, Vince should have tried to get back as many big names as possible. It’s what the fans wanted.... or at least what the majority of fans wanted. Still, who knows what’ll happen, maybe we’ll get surprises. I likes surprises.

So basically, Wrestlemania XX, pretty mediocre card, or ok, so it’s not ‘mediocre’ as such, but really pretty much lacking in anything that’s going to make you go “oooh”. Depending what you’re doing, the Stacy/Jackie v Sable/Torrie match might do I suppose. If you think I’m totally wrong then let me know why... it’s just at a time when you need the WWE to provide the great product that Ring of Young Boys and Total Non-stop Ass-spanking with Dusty can’t, they look set to let us down.

Then again I really hope I’m wrong, and that Wrestlemania XX ends up being a classic. And if the slogan rings true, expect Monday night to open with HHH making a 20 minute promo, before Rock runs in and challenges him for the title. Because no matter what they say, that’s the type of crap we’re going to have to put up with for the next ten years. No, it won’t be Randy Orton v John Cena... so don’t get your hopes up.

Ah well... have a good Wrestlemania everyone and let’s hope it isn’t crap!

Post your WWE Wrestlemania XX Predictions here

Post your WWE Wrestlemania XX Thoughts here

Ciao for now.

Simon