Saturday Night’s Main Event is back, and unfortunately, so is YANS. You just knew he couldn’t keep his opinions to himself when an idea from 13 years ago gets re-used. No newsreel, no mailbag, this is just 100% pure column. So step inside, it won’t hurt…. Much.

Don’t forget, now it’s separate GB&Us for separate shows, giving you a complete overhaul of both RAW and SmackDown!, and in this case, SNME. Each segment will be rated, either Good, Bad, Ugly, or None. Extremely good or extremely bad segments will be rated with “Very Good” or “Very Ugly”, which will add two points to the final tallies instead of one. But also, mainly for filler space, I’ll be going through some news items and giving them a Good, Bad or Ugly rating as well. But not this time.

WWE Saturday Night’s Main Event
March 18th, 2006
Detroit, Michigan

We welcome back YANS (Your Average Negative Smark), his job will be to automatically regurgitate negative comments about the WWE and point out all the negative things that only a smark doesn’t want to see. The first bit you see is my (truthful) opinion, the second part is the grossly-exaggerated negative opinion. Please don’t get them confused. YANS is once again played by “Big Craig” Woolard

PS, although it won’t be mentioned as part of the column, hearing JR commentating again was awesome. I wish he would come back to RAW and Joey would go to SD. And Coach to be dropped and replaced by Booker T. But I can only dream.

Opening skits/promos

Straight back into an old-school feel for what is an old-school show. I thought JBL’s “My Name is Earl” parody was great, and enjoyed HBK’s take on things. I never ever want to hear Vince say “yeah baby” to his son EVER again, and HHH/Cena did very little to excite me. Please note how HHH and Cena get to cut a promo, but the SD Main Eventers get ignored. But The Boogeyman saved the day, telling the NBC viewers that he is indeed coming to get them.

Verdict: Good

YANS
Nothing that has Cena trying to be ''funny'' can be entertaining, much less good. Cena was crap as usual, and so was pretty much everyone else in this, bar Shawn Michaels. We got more of the crap McMahons, and more of the crap Boogeyman, and more of the boring, AND crap JBL. What was the point of all of this anyway? We could have had more matches or added more time to Shawn Michaels match than this.

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RAW WrestleMania Main Event vs. SmackDown! WrestleMania Main Event
Triple H and John Cena vs. Rey Mysterio, Kurt Angle and Randy Orton

Putting this match on first may seem an odd decision, but please remember that HHH coming out first was important. Also, this was a feature bout that may have brought in casual viewers at the start of the show. There was nothing wrong with the in-ring action of the match, but the ending left me cold. It wasn’t just HHH putting himself over Cena, Orton, Rey and Angle, but also the fact that RAW was continued to be portrayed as the #1 brand, when recent show comparisons between RAW and SmackDown! show SD so far ahead it’s amazing. And of course, Superman Cena managed to overcome a Pedigree and get the pinfall. The HHH/Cena feud bores me so much.

Verdict: Bad

YANS
Did you hear the insane amount of boos Cena got? It's sad that the WWE Champion is getting booed by EVERYBODY. No one likes him anymore, just get rid of him please WWE. HHH was his usual boring self before, during, and after the match, so no one cheered or booed him at all. They shouldn't have wasted Kurt Angle and Rey Mysterio and Randy Orton like this. They could have put them in a tag team match against one another or something. Like Rey and Matt Hardy vs Angle and Benoit vs Orton and Finlay. That would have been much better than this crap. And as you could tell at the end when Cena overcame the odds, yet again, no one cared about the Cena/HHH feud, and once again WWE makes sure Angle is on the losing side against Cena. Bad.

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Booker T/Sharmell skits

As I said on the SmackDown GBU, I hated Sharmell as a face. But her and Booker play their heel roles so perfectly, it’s just a joy to watch. As if the humour between the two wasn’t enough, as well as Booker busting a move, we had Boogeyman hanging down from the ceiling. And THEN Booker’s awesome double take at seeing the Boogeyman, and also when he ran down the corridor. I wish all backstage skits were this funny.

Verdict: Good

YANS
Oh ha ha ha, this was just so funny. Sharmell is a terrible actress and she just needs to go away for good. Booker T used to be good, but now he's just crap. It's time for him to retire. The only good thing about this was they cancelled the Boogeyman vs Booker T match. I guess they realised Boogeyman isn't good enough a wrestler and don't want him to waste time on a WRESTLING show. Maybe they'll release him and his crap gimmick now. Bad.

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Cutting Edge

Edge remains RAW’s #1 heel by a long way, but he is facing stiff competition from John Cena. The heel heat Edge gets is huge, far surpassing anything that HHH gets. I thought this segment was superb, not only because Foley went face first into the tacks, not only because of the flaming table, not only because of the conchairto, but because EVERYTHING that happened made me want to see their WM match RIGHT NOW. We were given small glimpses into what we can expect, the flaming table, tacks and chairs, OH MY! Even small things like Foley not doing his usual cheap pop promo because he wanted to get Edge fell into place. Pretty much perfection as far as building up a hardcore match goes.

Verdict: Very Good

YANS
For the first time in a long time, WWE actually did something that I enjoyed. Edge was good on the mic, and when Foley came out, they actually focused on wrestling. What a surprise. They even lit a table on fire! And Foley went headfirst onto thumbtacks! Great Conchairto to Edge, but it's a shame that the burial of Edge continues. Now not only is he feuding with a guy that retired, but that guy is beating him up. But, I'll be generous for once thanks to the table fire, and actually award my first, and probably only, Good.

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Beer Drinking Contest
JBL vs. Steve Austin

As usual, JBL was absolutely gold on the mic before Austin came out, nobody can insult a city better than JBL. Most of Austin’s stuff seemed to be ad-libbed, which is probably the reason why the show was on tape delay. JBL’s willingness to make a complete idiot of himself and get drowned in beer and Stunnered makes the whole gimmick work even better. And they also managed to remember the JBL/Benoit feud, and Benoit appearing (to the biggest pop of anyone in the arena that night) in his wrestling gear despite not having a match is SO awesome. Another success.

Verdict: Good

YANS
What a waste of time. JBL can't wrestle anyway, but if his hand is broken, why use him? They could have used this time for an actual wrestling match! Austin used to be good, but not anymore. I'm really surprised that they didn't forget about the JBL/Benoit feud, but of course, they have Austin bury the number one contender for a title match at WrestleMania, and it makes that match, much like the rest of them, meaningless. Bad.

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Trish Stratus and Mickie James vs. Victoria and Candice Michelle

I’m worried. The women’s wrestling we have seen over the last two months has been of a much lower standard than usual. Maybe it’s down to the fact that most matches seem to involve Candice Michelle in some shape or form. I mean, one of these four wrestlers just stands out as being useless compared to the others. Obviously time constraints dragged them down, but even so, I didn’t enjoy it much.

Verdict: Bad

YANS
Just bad? Anytime the divas are in the ring, it's automatically ugly. No one cares about them showing skin anymore, we've seen it over and over. And besides, that stuff doesn't belong on a wrestling show. If you want to see naked women, buy a skin mag. They could have used this time to have the Cruiserweights do something. Oh wait, this is WWE and they can't use Cruisers, because they're not huge guys. This match was just terrible. One of them didn't even get in the ring for crying out loud! Ugly.

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Mickie turns heel

FINALLY it happens, and it happens for a reason, a broken heart. I never really agreed with turning this into a lesbian angle, but I suppose the pay-off works, and if their match at New Year’s Revolution is anything to go by, the obvious WrestleMania match should be good. Mickie’s screeching promo on Unlimited said all it needed to say, and my second pick for feud of the year so far behind Finlay/Lashley) continues to do the job well.

Verdict: Good

YANS
Oh my god, they finally did something different in this feud. They should have done it a long time ago, and it happening now was just meaningless. And besides, who's going to care about it considering we all know the pay off match is going to be terrible. Hopefully the end this feud and fire all the divas. Ugly.

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Mark Henry/Undertaker segment

I like Mark Henry, and I like Daivari. The Undertaker tends to drift from liking to loathing and back again regularly. Thankfully, Henry’s mic skills were better this week, and with Daivari cutting a promo too, that part was just fine. Taker coming out with a bigger casket was obvious, but fair play to JR for mentioning the big casket used for Yokozuna at Rumble 1994 (although JR didn’t actually mention the match, just stating “the late Yokozuna”. Oops.) I don’t like the fact that Daivari gets attacked so much, he’s a great heel manager, but most heel managers (Heenan, Cornette, Hart, Heyman etc.) DON’T get attacked, until the big pay-off. But Daivari’s a good enough worker to take a VICIOUS Tombstone bump, so I suppose all’s well that ends well.

Verdict: Good

YANS
Much like the divas, anything with Mark Henry is going to be ugly. Henry walked out to the entrance ramp, (by the way, he was already out of breath), stumbled his way to the ring, and messed up all of his lines. But it's ok, because we get THE UNDERTAKER. Oh joy. Of course, he comes out and just destroys both Henry and Daivari, and makes that match even more worthless. No one cared about the casket match to begin with. Undertaker shouldn't even have a match at WrestleMania. We all know he's going to win. Mark Henry shouldn't even be employed. Ugly.

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Street Fight
Shawn Michaels vs. Shane McMahon

First of all, the match for the most part was great. The superplex table spot was awesome, the Van Terminator (called as such by JR) that hit Vince was a unique reversal spot, and Shawn bumped like a madman as usual. But then came the ending. ANOTHER reference to the Montreal Screwjob, and there have been so many now I actually want to cry. When it’s done WELL, like between Austin and Benoit in June 2001, it works so much better. But the only way this would’ve worked well was if Bret had come down afterwards, and that was never going to happen. I really am torn here, between a good match and an ugly ending, so I’m gonna have to bottle it and go in the middle.

Verdict: Average

YANS
This could have been good, but of course, it's overbooked with the McMahons. I will admit though, the superplex on the table was great. But we suffered for it later as Shane had Shawn in a rest hold for 10 minutes. Everyone knew that Shane was going to accidentally hit Vince with the Van Terminator, so no one cared about that. Hey look, Vince still hasn't forgotten about the Montreal Incident. What a way to bury the hatchet Vince. Now Shane has not one, but TWO victories over Shawn Michaels, and I have no doubt that Vince will book himself to beat Michaels at WrestleMania. What a great way to waste one of the best wrestlers on your roster Vince. Bad.

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So, overall we have:

Very Good: 1 (x2 =2)
Good: 5
Average: 1
Bad: 3
Ugly: 0

That makes it an above average show by a good margin, and that seems about correct. I can understand why people with similar opinions to YANS may have found it to be an appalling show, but I saw a lot of positives amongst those few little negative things. If you’ve got an opinion on SNME or anything else, here’s the addy:

[chris@wrestling101.com]

And I will see you soon for the RAW review. Take care amigos.

Chris Dewing