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The Gorilla Position #4: Eugene needs an award



22 December 2006

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Eugene, Uncle Bischoff's mentally disabled nephew has been burdened with his gimmick long enough. The man has gone beyond all expectations and has delivered a "special" heel turn. Yet, this can only last so long. It is time to pull down the curtain and reveal the wizard. Eugene needs to become a wrestling genius - a man, with the help of Bishcoff, who turns out to be a charlatan.

Imagine Eugene cutting a promo on how the last few years he has played a game to get into the WWE, working the guys in back and fooling the stupid bodybuilding-loving fans. He knew that he was a great wrestler, but Vince would never hire him because he's no steroid taking freak. So, he concocted a plan to fool even Vince himself to make it to the WWE. Bischoff can then come out and clap and say it was beautiful how they fooled the world. Because you know controversy creates cash, and what is more controversial than a "mentally challenged" handicap wrestling the stars of the WWE? Then they will step up and say no more, as there is a new wrestling machine- on Raw, and his name is Eugene.

Eugene could then get a push to an Inter-Continental reign and become a monster heel for Vince while having Bischoff as a manager. Will this happen? Hell no, because (1) it keeps with the continuity that Bischoff brought Eugene in the WWE, (2) it is a good idea, and we all know Vince would rather make fun of the mentally challenged than to push a storyline. So, Eugene, I'm pulling for you and hope you get a break, but I think you may be stuck biting butts and being a future member of Vinnie K. McMahon's "Kiss my ass" club!

Vince will you see to it that Eugene gets more than a victory over Val Venis another ill-fated gimmick wrestler for Christmas. How about the writers do more than just create on the surface storyline? Why not let Eugene drop this Special Olympics crap and save a good wrestler? The Grinch's heart grew to be three times bigger over the holidays, so why not give it a shot Vince. Drink some eggnog, have the ECW roster sing you some carols, and decorate this Monday's show with Christmas cheer. Let a good man show what he can do in the ring and on the microphone. You have made him do everything to be a joke, so let him now be something more than a punch line. King Eugene! That is a stocking stuffer one day, but that takes another 5 years of jobbing just ask Booker T!

Darlin' Danny Dunn

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