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The Gorilla Position #6: A New Year Wish



6 January 2007

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Turning the calendar over to another year comes with expectations - the dreams of future accomplishments and the adventure of the unknown on the horizon. Unmistakable on the flipside is the fear of what fate has burning in the belly of barely lit boiler rooms. Yes, the dark recesses where the cackles lurk and the bookers and writers gather in their cosy offices and board rooms to gain perspective of what is the pulse of the fans' heart rhythm.

The expectations I have for the bookers are slimmer than a lollypop stick, but I have to set some for my own mental status.

1) I would love to see development of some mid-carders in the WWE such as the Benoit/Guerrero feud subsiding so they both can do what they do best - wrestle! Benoit should be booked as a wrestling mercenary - a guy that can out-manoeuvre any man in the ring and gets his thrills by knowing this to be true. This is a man that is the reigning "excellence of execution" in the WWE product. WWE needs to get him back into some upper-echelon feuds.

2) DX "sugar mini-wheats" needs to be buried in the ring this year and placed in the extensive WWE film vaults. The two guys need to get back to their single careers That way WWE can always remind me how great they think the shenanigans of two 40-year-old men with sense of humors of 13-year-olds are stroodle swirlers are in their mind. Seriously, these guys need to get back to their Hall of Fame careers.

3) One angle that keeps my interest and makes me care is the Sting/Abyss angle. This one currently has me intrigued, but the best few months of last year was the Foley/Flair feud. It had a terrible payoff, but the electricity brought by both men in the ring and on the stick camouflages the end product like make-up on a zit-faced woman with a body of a Stratus.

4) Have some taste in your product. I don't want to have to listen to heels getting cheap heat off deaths. I mean c'mon guys from Steve Irwin to Eddy Guerrero. I don't mind tacky, because I know it is Vince. I live with the idiocy of a 60 year old man showing his ass as a CEO, and VKM making an employee kiss his powder donut hole. The Darlin' one just wants to see family and deaths left out of feuds and jokes.

5) Finally, I just wish that someone or something will catch fire to help bring back more fans to wrestling. If that happens, TNA's production will improve with the money income and competition will breed some fabulous wrestling.

What I will get is Russo wasting feuds and senseless turns, and Vinny Mac keeping his product stale and tortured to the conclusion that he is Vincent K. McMahon and he will be on my damn TV killing as many careers as the book Watership Down killed rabbits. This is just another knife put into me by wrestling. I am getting close to having as many puncture wounds as Caesar, "Et tu, Linda McMahon?"

Well, I will at least have one week to keep my New Year's resolution of not knocking down the Three Wise Men - Jack, Jim, and Jose. Yet, a stiff stench will soon cause the alcohol to cleanse me. I just know it; don't you, K-fed and Cena?

Darlin' Danny Dunn

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