Ruses WWE Raw Review: 12th April 2010
by David Ruse on 16 April 2010
I think David Hasselhoff was born cheesy. He probably entered the world singing a corny jingle or doing some dubious acting, all whilst dressed in awful iridescent garb.
The Baywatch star brought all his trashy charm to London this past week in his role as guest host of Monday night Raw, and no amount of crud was off limits.
Hoff began the show by bounding to the ring in a tacky shimmering jacket, while the catchy Knight Rider theme tune echoed around the O2 Arena, and a troupe of luscious lovelies held up masks with his inimitable face on.
But – in a rare occurrence for Raw – this time naff was good. Hasselhoff’s charisma made the nonsense fun, not grating, and despite expecting the epitome of car-crash telly when I switched on, I was soon appeased and feeling ‘Hofftastic’.
Apart from impersonating The Rock, announcing that Batista and Randy Orton would square off, and mocking NXT rookie David Otunga in a backstage segment, Hoff’s main port of call was to act as a lifeguard in the lengthily-named Divas Baywatch Babe Triple Threat Tag Team Match.
After the participants’ Baywatch-inspired slow-motion entrances, it was the Bella Twins who came out on top in a contest that also featured the teams of Kelly Kelly and Gail Kim, and Jillian and Rosa Mendes. However, the festivities were not yet over.
Special referee Santino Marella – who else – choked on his whistle and, after Hasselhoff refused to lend a hand, had to be saved by Hornswoggle, the fun-loving leprechaun soon dislodging the embedded item after administering his patented Tadpole Splash.
Yes it was childish and I’d be lying if I said there weren’t a few grimaces on my part, but the beach-themed silliness did make me laugh and provided a decent interlude to the night’s more serious proceedings.
These ‘serious proceedings’ included a re-match of last week between Sheamus and Kofi Kingston. The Celtic Warrior – who before the bout spoke concisely and confidently about his upcoming street fight with HHH at Extreme Rules – was disqualified for smacking his sprightly opponent with a TV monitor as he tried to send out a powerful message to The Game.
The best bit, though, was the return of the fired-up Kingston. The Ghanaian was given a short burst of microphone time prior to the battle and it took you back to the end of 2009 when Kofi was the hottest commodity in the WWE. He has slipped into the shadows since then but hopefully another significant push is not too far away.
John Cena warmed up for his Extreme Rules clash with Batista by totally decimating Otunga, a match that completely destroyed any credibility the “A-List” had acquired last week, though the episode was recovered somewhat by The Animal’s – who was watching from the ramp – growls, motions and demands that the spotlight be placed on him.
Big Dave had that opportunity in the main event against Orton, but very nearly lost to his former Evolution stable-mate, with only the arrival of The Viper’s Extreme Rules adversary Jack Swagger preventing Batista from being beaten. The Animal would be subjected to more pain though, with an onrushing Cena locking in the STF and forcing him to repeatedly tap out.
Elsewhere, Eve pinned Maryse to become the new Divas Champion – an accolade she fully warrants after improving greatly between the ropes – fan favourite Evan Bourne defeated an irate Carlito and The Miz ousted David Hart Smith, meaning that next week Bret Hart must declare ShoMiz the greatest tag team of all time.
I doubt The Hitman will utter those words but hey, if I can laugh at a skit involving Hornswoggle, anything is possible.