The Redman Report: WWE Smackdown 13/5/11: “They dont have a manager’s license!”


So, Christian – turns heel? Teases a turn? Is indifferent? Might as well pick up his ball and go to TNA because he’s been BURIED? A lot of questions here. See if they are answered – as well as some good ol’ Smackdown workrate, and some indy workrate too actually – here on FRIDEE NIGHT SMACK DOWN.

This Christian/Orton video just makes me feel awful every time I see it. The poor fella.

This was probably the most predictable promo in wrestling history, Christian comes out and says its fine and he “respects Teddy Long’s decision”. Sheamus is fine. Mark Henry! I am totally, totally fine with these guys being the top two heels. Ahahaha, Henry threatening Sheamus so Sheamus turns around and says “OR, lets have a handicap match against Christian!” Hilarious. And we get the babyface save and a cool tag team main event, not to mention feuding tag partners~!

Backstage meeting! After Orton showed glimpses of being human the other week it disappointed me that he just went back to being his robotic self. Human Orton > Robot Orton. I liked when Christian’s face dropped when Orton picked the belt up.

Ergh, Chavo. OHGODOHGOD, CARA VS BRYAN! I’m totally marking out like a little internet bitch, I admit it. THIS WAS SO MUCH FUN. I legit dont know how better to express it. Incredible, awesome fun. This was, well, it wasnt an ROH match (no high end offense and kickouts), but it was more like, a short Chikara match. Not comedic, just some fun indy-lucha style work. Cool lucha-style hold trading and armdrags and stuff early. Bryan busted out some cool stuff like the “Woah, WOAH” Surfboard, and of course SC just flew all over the place. No Chavo what are you doing?! That Super C4 is just so cool. He saw the replay! Thank the Lord, I didnt think having a heel cheat for such a super babyface was a smart idea. NO NO NO NO CHAVO! Sin Cara does not approve of cheating! OK, this worked out well. Chavo was still God awfully sh*tty on commentary though. And this is the guy who has to carry 100% of the mic work for this feud. Urgh.

LAYLA! Wow, she is a babyface after all. She’s not any good at it yet, but she’s never been one before, and this wasnt the worst promo in the world. NO! NO NO NO NO!

F*CK THE F*CKING F*CK OFF.

I’ve had it up to here with Cole, but interrupting LAYLA is the LAST. F*CKING. STRAW. This man needs to die. The bastard should just be dead. At least Layla got to fight back and tell him to shut up. Thats more than Eve ever got. KHARMA! OH GOD JUST KILL HIM DEAD! Gah, that isnt going to happen, she must be killing Layla. Its too soon! No! Layla! AHAHAHAHAHA OHGOD! Cole laughed, KHARMA turned to Cole and Cole SH*T HIS PANTS. KILL HIM KILL HIM KILL HIM!

I hope to GOD this is part of a female-wide backlash against Cole, and not Kharma turning out to be in league with Cole. If ever they could kill my interest in Kharma…

Kane vs Barrett was, amazingly, not bad at all. It gave Booker T the opportunity to say “manager’s license” on TV, which makes it a win automatically. They got a lot of time too. So I was just a little peeved when they ran in in the end anyway. But THERE WILL BE NO STOPPING! ZEKE! Oh no, he’s getting beatdown again. Which actually makes sense.

See, this is one thing I hate about this company. If it was Kane or Show or any other old star who Corre turned on and beat down, they’d come out next week and just beat them all up single handedly, just like Show, Kane and Orton have been doing pretty much every week this year with Corre and Nexus. It doesnt matter if they kill the heat, they NEED to get their win back damn it! So the only guy whom they actually allow them to get heat on, is another new guy. Like its going to make a difference if they build this feud properly now, when Corre have already been jobbed every week by Kane and Show since January!

You know, I was pretty pissed off about the Draft, I was unhappy about a lot of things, I wasnt very optimistic after it went down. But never, in my wildest dreams, did I imagine consequences from the Draft as depressingly dire as A KHALI PUSH. Jesus. A Kiss Kam. THE KISS KAM. F*ck off. So Jinder slaps Khali, and Khali doesnt kill him, which is the signal that they’ll team up and go on a big push. Argh.

Ted, he lives! Wow. CODY! Woah woah, Cody vs Teddy! I could not be more in love with Cody Rhodes. Man, I just love the way he speaks, the way he went from “entertain you” to “entertain the thought”, this man is a POET. As an aside, isnt it hilarious looking at where these guys are now. In 2009 Ted was going to be their next big project, and…yeah, while Cody lucked out by being drafted to SD, and here we are. Anyway, this was a pretty cool 5 minute match. Enjoyed the dueling dropkicks, the dueling rollups – these men know each other! I’ve always thought the entire time that Ted should be a babyface. If only he had actually turned babyface so people might care, but oh well. He’s on SD now, if he’s going to get anywhere, it will be in the next 12 months.

Main event was another long, fun tag match. Much like their one a couple weeks ago, even down to the size of the heels. Booker T, at times, was so good in this match, there was a point when he was putting Sheamus over so hard which led into Sheamus hitting this big powerslam so Booker could say “just like that!” That was cool. Cole f*cking with Booker just to be a douche, is not cool. Just f*ck off with the arguing, honestly, it sucks. Anyway, this was really good work all round. Its amazing how good a guy like Mark Henry looks when you give him something to do. Orton’s hot tag was fun and we all run wild, and Christian gets the pin. Good detail work. And quite a fun show, here.


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