The Redman Report: WWE Smackdown 22/7/11: Taking care of BUSINESS

Smackdown fans. Feeling your show getting boring? Repetitive? Inconsequential? Unworthy of your time? Well never fear, my Smackdown brothers, because THIS is the answer to your problems. A fine show.

This was the most convincing Orton promo work in FOREVER. Swear to God, when he just talks like a normal man instead of a robot, he’s a thousand times better. He came off great here as an angry Psycho Orton. Christian was fine here too, loved the “nobody likes a whiner” line. But…Orton is still a f*cking stupid ass babyface. Its not as bad as Edge because he does have “anger management issues” and he was provoked mid-match (as opposed to Edge, who tried to hit the Spear constantly in every single Dolph match for no reason than to be a retarded moron), but nevertheless I cant feel sorry for this guy because he was a f*cking idiot to break the rules, just like Christian said. But the brawl bit and the way it ended was pretty cool, and this was the most interested I’ve been in a Christian/Orton segment in a long time.

And here we have Christian vs Zeke II: The ‘Both Men Are Miscast’ Rematch. But dont get me wrong, this was a good match and they still work well together. Zeke was a good Zeke and Christian bumped around well for him.

Cool ass Cody video.

Daniel Bryan bitches! That was cool. Bryan got to address Cole once again, and he is really good at cutting the “I worked my ass off” shoot promo. Plus we get a legit babyface MITB winner and an announced cash-in, which is awesome and I’ve been dying for it for years. And Daniel Bryan is in the Smackdown main event at Wrestlemania 28, fingers crossed. Crazy sh*t.

…and then this. Bryan vs Slater was a totally fun match, busting out the workrate spots, some cool covers, Bryan’s sweet flying knee on the outside, and the cool finish. Not to mention I’m overjoyed at Bryan moving the hell on from the Cody and Teddy Merry-Go-Round. But Holy F*ck, Michael Cole. He just never shuts up, never eats his words even though he’s been proven wrong, never lets you ever just enjoy something. Five minutes ago I was so psyched about Bryan, and now I dont ever want to see him wrestle again because I have to hear Cole bitching about him the entire time. F*CK OFF.

Loved them recapping the Henry/Show match. Henry’s promo was not up to the usual standard though, seemed completely scripted and corny. Bugger.

OK, I laughed at the Rock vs Cena ‘Did You Know’ bit. Long term build.

Sheamus vs Barrett actually sounds appealing. And it was a hell of a big man battle. They only had 5 minutes so they worked at a blistering pace, just dropping bombs and Big Boots on each other. And we get a brawl and a double countout, but whatever, this was fun.

It sadly shows the depth of Smackdown when you have both Justin Gabes and Sheamus working on the babyface side when they’re still heels, as well as the main event starting next when it only feels like halfway through the show.

Is Kane a heel again? I dont mean that as the usual joke, I legitimately missed that. Huh. Well, another babyface lost, thats EXACTLY what Smackdown needed.

Orton vs Kane has been fine so far. Orton jumping off the apron into the UPPERCUT ruled. Then that whole entire Chokeslam tease with grab-punches-GRAB-leap was cool. And f*cking LOLZ at Orton falling into the hole in the table and toppling over, hilarious. Also hilarious was him jumping back up like people do when they trip over, all like “I’m fine, I’m totally fine!” Pretty funny. OK I’m at the third break by now and this has turned into a hell of a match. That was a wicked Boot Kane threw just after the second break. And Kane Kane-ing Up for the Chokeslam and Orton gets up into-BAMRKOBITCHES! That freaking ruled. And KICKOUT! Woah, thats weird. And then Orton Orton-ing Up for the PUNT and BAMCHOKESLAM! Kick. Out. Then man Kane just BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF HIM with chairshots, and Orton was a f*cking selling machine here, before the RKOONTHECHAIR finish. That was seriously a hell of a match right there.

And we get babyface respect like half an hour after Kane apparently turned heel on me again. I thought that the handshake was designed for Kane to go nuts on him and “exorcise his humanity”, but apparently not. It was babyface respect for a great match, which explains the RKO kickout and the great match.

AND MARK HENRY! OK, this all comes together now. I loved Kane manning up, going “F*ck it, lets go” John Cena-style and throwing bombs. And Mark Henry kills him and does the Pillmanising on the already-injured ankle. Mark Henry dont give a f*ck about your babyface respect or your great match, f*ck you. Awesome. I love how he’s slowly going after all of the biggest dudes on the roster and just destroying them with total ease, all “What the f*ck are you gonna do about it?” This man’s eventual title program is going to RULE.

What a fun ass show, best Smackdown I’ve seen in forever. It was getting increasingly boring and repetitive in recent weeks, but this is worth checking out, even just for the main event, which was unbelievably fun.


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