The Redman Report: WWE TV week of 23/4/12: “In the words of Titus O’Neil…”


This week: An Untitled Three Hour Raw, and Five Important Reasons Why You Should Watch Smackdown.

Staying away from Brock for a minute, they’re really nailing what they’re doing with Cena. Its funny, for such a cartoony, hammy, ridiculous character, for the last 6 months or so he’s had some of the most intricate character development in wrestling. The Rock loss, after all that build, is the one loss that he cant just shrug off. And to compound it, even if he was able to just get back on the horse, he goes right from losing the big one smack-bang into BROCK LESNAR, who is 100% going to eat him alive and spit him out. But apparently the entire hopes and dreams of the Universe are on his shoulders and, in the form of Edge of all people, are DEMANDING of him that he beat Brock. Which is impossible. But he’ll let everybody down when he loses. Again. And down and down he goes.

This is really fascinating stuff and I cant wait to see what happens to Cena after he loses. It reminds me of the Foley/Orton angle, where Foley points out in his book that he was the only major star who had the character to actually pull off cowardly walking away from a match as a babyface. In a similar way, I think Cena is the only guy who could pull off this angle of actually being scared to fight someone. Legitimately, desperately scared, enough that he, the invincible Superman Cena, had to come out to face Brock with a weapon to defend himself with. John Cena. He’s going to get absolutely murderised at the PPV and I cant wait.

You know, every time Jericho and Kofi have a match, I start out kind of like “Meh, look at these sloppy f*ckers…” and end up marking the hell out at such a great TV match. This was no exception. Started real slow but really picked up in the second half. Loved Kofi’s somersault plancha and busting out the old springboard-into-Codebreaker. Good fun. I still love you Kofi.

My favourite part of the Orton/Kane feud so far has been Orton trying to get revenge for the Bob Orton attack by doing his best Edge impression: kidnapping Paul Bearer and giving me nightmares, and Kane is all “LOL, that guy? Whatever man, cbf.” FOILED! I laughed for a good while. At least Kane learned his lesson from 2010.

BETH PHOENIX BITCHES. What a woman. She’s had less than zero to do during her reign, but at least when she gets a chance she just does some WORK. Her selljob was amazing and almost had me thinking it was a legit injury. No idea why the title was switched though, unless its a play to get them to re-sign, or maybe their parents just wanted things to be equal, like how if I got something, my bro had to get something as well.

I admit, I enjoyed the Punk fake drunk deal. I can vouch that as a sober person, it is really fun to pretend to be drunk even though you have no idea what its like. I thought Punk was great carrying this segment with his antics. Shame he messed up on the comeback and mixed up S and T, but whatever.

Reason to watch this week’s Smackdown #1: This Show is Wack(y). In a good way. Firstly, Teddy Long in a maid’s outfit. No really, but watch it anyway. Secondly,

Booker T: In the words of Titus O’Neil, “Rarff ruff rarff ruff rarff ruff ruff!”

LAUGHED. FOREVER.

And on that note, TO and DY were once again backstage bitching people out in the most gloriously obnoxious way, so I am stoked that they’re keeping their NXT gimmick and must continue to be obnoxious douchebags backstage until the end of time. And I like their finish. They really have potential. Speaking of tag teams and potential, I hope the AW/Colons deal leads to good things. Abe talking backstage was already a thousand times better than he has ever been in his life, so I’m pumped.

Reason to watch this week’s Smackdown #2: Squash matches! Firstly, Claudio Antonio VERY EUROPEAN UPPERCUTTING Tyson Kidd to hell and debuting the WACKIEST finisher I have ever seen – a package piledriver grip slammed forward into a Styles Clash-like landing. Crazy stuff, I love it. Secondly, THE BEST RYBACK SQUASH YET. Another fun jobber heel promo, and to begin Ryback just LAUNCHES this dude into the atmosphere. Another great Lariat too. FEED HIM MORE.

Reason to watch this week’s Smackdown #4: Jinder getting RKO’d. Orton’s promo wasnt anything, but suddenly JINDER’s music and I was so, so giddy that the payoff was Jinder coming out to be RKO’d to hell. He was.

Reason to watch this week’s Smackdown #5: Sheamus vs Mark Henry. This was a giant “F*CK Raw and your 3 minute matches!” and they had another great long match. Henry beat the crap out of him, Sheamus held his own, both men look super, and Sheamus gets a strong win heading into the PPV. Easy, simple, fun pro wres. I love you long time SD. Really looking forward to the PPV.


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