Well, hello. It’s the weekend of a Pay Per View – which means it’s prediction time – whooo! The one time of the month where I can make a fool of myself…wait, you mean I do that every week? well, I’ll be DAMNED!
Anyway, Faarooq impressions aside, there are some matches to be prdictamated – so let’s get it on!
Trish Stratus & Lita vs. Molly Holly & Gail Kim
Whoop-dee-doo, Lita’s back… can I go to sleep now? Seriously, Lita’s return means a grand total of nothing to me. I didn’t care about her when she was here, and I don’t care about her now. Yeah, sure, glad she’s recovered from her neck, but really… don’t care.
Victoria is twice the wrestler that everyone not named Molly in this match is – and yet doesn’t get on PPV… go figure. Anyway, blah de blah, moonsault, twist of fate, teenie girls going mental, win for Lita. Meh.
Winner : Trish Stratus & Lita
Stacy and Steiner’s services on the line
Test vs. Scott Steiner
You know, why the hell has this feud been allowed to continue for so long when it’s blatantly obvious that a) People don’t care b) Steiner’s done and c) the matches are terrible? The only – and I do mean ONLY – saving grace for this match could be another Steiner “fall off the ring apron while attacking Test” moment. That would cheer me up.
I foresee a heel turn from Stacy on this won. Steiner gets to be Test’s personal slave for a while, until we have yet ANOTHER match between the two. I hope I’m wrong, and this is the blow off match between the two finally. I think of this match and I cry.
Winner : Test
RAW Announce Job on the Line
Coach & Al Snow vs. J.R. & Lawler
Bah God! Bah God! Bah God! Sandwich! Sandwich! Sandwich! Coach Wins! Coach Wins! Coach wins! Fans Snore! Fans Snore! Fans Snore!
Winners : Coach & Al Snow
Six Man Tag Team Tables Match
Bubba Ray, D-Von & Spike Dudley vs. La Resistance & Rob Conway.
Oh please, just get Grenier injured in the storylines so he can get to hell off my TV, and let the two talented guys (Dupree and Conway) get some ring time. Well, anyway… The Dudleys excel in table matches, and if they’re used in their usual PPV opening slot, then they do serve a purpose. While not the most talented of teams, practically nobody works a crowd better than the Dudleys.
And that’s probably why they hang around doing pretty much naff all. The pop a crowd, get them hot for the rest of the show, and they know their formula well. Expect to see this one go to the wire, and also expect La Resistance to win out on this one, and Grenier to receive “a major injury” after the match, courtesy of Bubba Ray.
Winners : La Resistance & Rob Conway
Intercontinental Title
Christian vs. Rob Van Dam vs. Chris Jericho
On paper, the match of the night. Doesn’t say a lot, but hey – you gotta be positive, yeah? YEAH! Anyway, all three guys seem to work well together to a certain degree – Christian is showing signs of developing into a solid IC champ, RVD blows the roof off any arena he’s in with his fan following and Jericho is the hottest thing on Raw right now – throw the three of them in one match, and add in the brewing dissension between one time Vitamin C tag team partners Jericho & Christian – this could be a good ‘un.
Personally, I think Jericho is above the Intercontinental title now, and RVD seems to be bad widdle boy – leaving a solid defence for Christian, and setting up a triumphant return for The Book to reclaim his belt in the future. Sorted, geezer. I really wish Christian would get his operatic entrance music back though – that reeked of awesomeness!
Winner : Christian
Legend vs. Legend Killer
Shawn Michaels vs. Randy Orton
Big match for Randy here, as he get a chance to show what he can do with one of the biggest legends the WWE has ever seen. If he does good, then onwards and upwards he goes. If he does bad, then it’s back down the card for him. I think he has it in him to put in a good showing, and we all know Michaels can still work a good match when needed… this could be a show stealer right here.
Look for a lot of heelish stalling and posing from Orton, allowing Michaels to rest and preserve his stamina – I get the feeling this one could be a 20 minute epic in the making. It makes no sense to me to have Michaels win, unless there’s going to be a big payback win somewhere down the line… which I think might just happen – if Randy doesn’t live up to expectations, that whole idea can be scrapped and forgotten about easily… HBK to take the 1-2-3…
Winner : Shawn Michaels
Last Man Standing Match
Kane vs. Shane McMahon
Well, given Shane’s history in this kind of anything goes environment (vs. Test at Summerslam 99, vs. Angle at King Of The Ring 01) and given Kane’s evil character right now, I fully expect this to be a bloodbath. Don’t look for this to be a five star counter wrestling clinic, but one thing about McMahon matches – they usually give you some bang for your buck.
The big blow off between the two has been coming for a while, and I doubt that the WWE would let this one pass. Shane has been on the receiving end of some harshness from Kane (electrocuted testicles, anybody? OUCHIE!) and I don’t really see that being in vain. Shane to reign.
Winner : Shane McMahon
World Heavyweight Championship
Triple H vs. Goldberg
Well, here it is – the long awaited battle between good and evil – long awaited by both men, who’ve been dying to get their hands on each other, no doubt. As for me? Well, I just wish Trips was somewhere near 100% fit going into this. Goldberg is not a 15-20 minute match veteran, which is what this requires, unless Goldberg is going to win in under 2 minutes… which I REALLY don’t see,
A fully fit Trips could have dragged this out to something watchable, but working injured? I don’t see it happening. No doubt Flair will be at ringside and get involved, which will help stall for time, but this could well be the worst Title match since Big Show vs. Big Bossman way back at Armageddon 1999. Can’t see anything other than a Goldberg win here – the odds are stacked way too much against him, which more or less seals it for a NEW World Heavyweight Champion…
Winner : Goldberg
OK folks – I’m staying up late for this one, although I don’t really know why. I can’t honestly remember the last time I was so underwhelmed about a PPV – oh wait, I do – it was the last Raw only PPV… fancy that. Anyway, let’s hope his is better than it looks on paper. A lot better.
Until Monday, Have Fun Go Mad.
Tony Cottam
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