WWE HOUSE SHOW RESULTS FROM KITCHENER, CANADA
The arena was about 1/3 to 1/2 full. A local radio DJ and 3 female models welcomed the fans to the show, then Edge talked about his recovery and hyped the main event.
Tiny Teddy Contest:
Torrie Wilson defeated Dawn Marie and Sable
Edge was the host. Sable withdrew from the contest because, in her opinion, Canadians don’t deserve to see her body. After Torrie was declared the winner, a three-way catfight ensued, then Torrie, Dawn Marie and Edge took turns slapping each other’s asses.
Bradshaw defeated Horshu
Bradshaw pinned Horshu following the Clothesline From Hell.
Spanky & Paul London defeated Chuck Palumbo & Johnny Stamboli w/Nunzio
Nunzio’s botched interference led to Spanky and London winning by pinfall. After the match, The FBI assaulted Spanky and London.
Orlando Jordan defeated Rhyno
Prior to the match, Rhyno said “Canada Sucks”. Jordan won by pinfall.
The Self-Proclaimed World’s Greatest Tag Team defeated Billy Kidman & Jamie Noble
Noble was introduced as “The Redneck Messiah” Jamie “By God” Noble. The finish saw Haas pin Noble after Benjamin kicked Noble in the face.
WWE Tag Team Title Match:
The Basham Brothers w/Shaniqua defeated Scotty 2 Hotty & Rikishi
At the beginning of the match, Scotty searched around ringside, then entered the ring, put his hand in his pocket, pulled out his middle finger and pointed it at The Bashams’ corner. The Bashams won by pinfall. After the match, Rikishi saved Scotty from a beatdown and gave a Stink Face to Shaniqua. Then, Scotty smacked Rikishi’s ass with Shaniqua’s whip and invited a young fan into the ring to dance. Unfortunately for the fan, his dancing was awful, so Rikishi gave him a Stink Face as punishment.
Cruiserweight Title Match:
Tajiri defeated Rey Mysterio
At one point in the match, Tajiri tried to do the 619, but Mysterio stopped him. The end came when Tajiri spit mist in Mysterio’s face while the referee was down, then kicked Mysterio in the head and pinned him.
A-Train accused the fans of being jealous, made a comment about females running their fingers through his “man fur” and issued an open challenge. John Cena accepted the challenge and cut a hilarious pre-match promo about what A-Train does with his male lover.
John Cena defeated A-Train
During the match, the fans chanted “shave your back” and Cena’s name many times. Cena pinned A-Train following the FU.
The Big Show apparently said that if his team lost by submission, he would kiss Kurt Angle’s ass, so the main event was made into a Kiss My Ass Match.
Kiss My Ass Match:
Kurt Angle & Chris Benoit defeated Brock Lesnar & The Big Show
Early in the match, Angle lowered his tights and showed off his thong. The finish saw The Big Show submit to an ankle lock. He was then forced to kiss both of his opponents’ bare asses.
The total length of the show was about 2 hours and 10 minutes, probably due to the poor attendance and lighting problems (the show had to be stopped twice to fix the ring lights).