Well, hello. Welcome to a Pay Per View weekend edition of The Live Wire – and that can mean only one thing! It’s late night drinking and nacho eating time! Oh, it means two things then: it’s late night drinking and nacho eating time AND Predictamania time too! Whoo! A winning combination.
As I write this, I do not yet know if I will have successfully procured tickets to go see the WWE WrestleMania Revenge tour in Glasgow… hopefully in a little over… 8 hours, I will make the purchase necessary. Fear not, loyal subscribers, I shall update you on the progress as and when any is or isn’t made without the need for you to leave the comfy chair you sit in right now!
(This just in: Rest easy peeps – your favourite columnist that pesters your inbox is going to see the WWE – floor tickets no less – whooo! I know you all were worried… so relax :D)
But, as per usual, I’m rambling wildly off topic like… like… a Quentin Tarantino monologue… so back to the business in hand. No Way Out… and man, does it look like the WWE are trying to even out the Raw = bad / Smackdown = good PPV discrepancy… But hey, positive thinking, and all that Jazz (always my favourite Transformer too…)
The matches!
WWE Tag Team Championship
2 vs. 3 Handicap Match
Scotty 2 Hotty & Rikishi (c) vs. The Basham Brothers & Shaniqua.
Wow – who writes this stuff? Nobody admits to it’ O…..K – well, the Bashams have just come off a fairly lengthy, if uneventful title reign, and Shaniqua’s major league push for stardom (how many times could Michael Cole and Tazz squeeze the word ‘Amazon’ into one broadcast?) looks to be floundering already. Although she does now have breasts that will ensure she should float if there’s any ever kind of boat sinking mishap on one of Smackdown’s overseas tours…
Anyway, enough of Shaniqua’s breasts… Scotty & The Kish (ugh) remain incredibly over with the fans, no matter what or why, so I predicts that this will be the PPV opener… I really don’t see the point of dropping the belts to them on TV, then swapping them back quickly on PPV, with the odds stacked against them. So I guess I’m saying…
Winners : Scotty 2 Hotty & Rikishi
Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin vs. APA
Well, this is just a rumoured match, I think – nothing official on the No Way Out website yet – but let’s face it – this card needs padding out a little. Whether or not Faarooq is fit enough to wrestle is one issue, whether or not Bradshaw will be able to wrestle when not attempting to be controversial on WWE.com is yet another, and who The World’s Greatest Tag Team (Self Proclaimed) have annoyed to end up in this match is probably the most important issue.
Gyah… remember when wrestlers had personalities or gimmicks? Just something to get you to care about them, or even just notice them… H & B are in severe need of that. They’re phenomenal in the ring, and from what little we’ve seen, they can carry a promo well enough… there’s no reason for this match, no reason to care about H&B and practically no reason to notice them.
Having said that, I get the feeling they are being groomed for a WrestleMania match-up, so they need a little rub… will Bradshaw lay down cleanly? Or will he be a jerk and try and rip their heads off first? I know what my money’s on – and it ain’t Bradshaw’s stock tips…
Winners : Charlie Haas & Shelton Benjamin
Jamie Noble vs. Nidia
(Jamie Noble will be blindfolded)
All I can see happening is this match is Jamie Noble wandering around in a blindfold screaming ‘where aaaare yeeeew Neeeedia?’ a lot. And me in the kitchen making a sandwich or similarly related bread product. Toasted Cheese this month I think – I’m keeping it real, old school style. Yeah, boyeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I suppose I should mention the match… but I can’t be bothered. Nidia wins, just because.
Winner : Nidia
WWE Cruiserweight Title
Rey Mysterio (c) vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.
Yay! Cruiserweights on PPV! Apparently, the WWE are keen on Chavo’s ground based style, and think that this feud could be a centre piece for the Cruiserweight division as a whole… wow! Do you think they’ll get a whole FIVE MINUTES then?
Sarcasm aside, Rey and Chavo can go out and put on a HELL of a match if they are allowed to and given the time to do what we know they both can… now, if only they could figure out how to slot Ultimo Dragon into the mix then it could be WrestleMania heaven… but I doubt that’ll happen. Damn them! DAMN THEM ALL!!!
Anyway, I don’t know about this one… it really could go either way. I don’t see Rey losing the belt so soon, to be honest… and WrestleMania could do with a heel victory (that being Chavo) so I’ll go with the Masked 619-er to take the duke. Oh, and that boxer guy to lay out Chavo Sr.
Winner : Rey Mysterio
WrestleMania #1 Contendership
Triple Threat Match
Kurt Angle vs. The Big Show vs. John Cena
This could be the sleeper match of the night, in my humble opinion. Angle is at his best when working to bring the best out of his opponents – and he’s worked good matches with both Cena and Show in the past. I expect Angle and Show to be doing most of the work in this one, with the doubts hanging over the condition of Cena’s knee still haunting him.
Show himself has been vastly improved work-rate wise in the last year, so this has every reason to be good… As for storyline purposes, well, there’s obviously only one real eventual winner of a #1 contender’s slot at ‘Mania, that being Kurt Angle… but the question is will they run with it immediately, or do a little switcheroo on Smackdown and put The Show or Cena over here’
I personally think that they’ll give the win to Angle and get a good hype surrounding his title shot, and the resulting US Title match between Cena and Show that will undoubtedly spin out of this. Throw in the possibility of a Cena F-U on The Show, and WrestleMania shapes up nicely from the Smackdown side of things. Kurt to take the win, even by nefarious means!
Winner : Kurt Angle
WWE Championship
Brock Lesnar (c) vs. Eddie Guerrero.
All reports have been good on the work between the two on the house show circuit, so I have very high hopes for this one. Eddie is as solid as anyone in the ring right now, and Brock has ‘The Skills’ – so this could be a real doozy! Eddie really deserves this, as he’s in the hottest form and popularity streak of his career yet – why not put him in the Main Event on PPV? Gives a fresh injection into somewhat stale match ups…
Why not give him the belt too? I know I would, and not just because of my love for Eddie (it’s a manly kinda love, purely platonic) and his work over the past year. With the Goldberg issue being promoted so heavily, and a Goldberg vs. Lesnar match seeming likely in New York, makes sense to take the belt from Brock and protect it on the Smackdown brand by having Eddie take it into WrestleMania – plus, it sets up a killer match with Kurt Angle vs. Eddie Guerrero… oh yeah!
Is Eddie a viable champion? Yes, or at least a HELL of a lot more than Hardcore Holly was last month… Eddie has the crowd heat to make him worthy of the belt, so why not take a chance? The WWE has been very predictable in it’s title holders over the past year or so, it’s about time we had a shake up. Go Eddie! Go Eddie!
Winner : Eddie Guerrero
So, there we go – 2 good matches, one very good match and 3 time wasters. Expect a lot of useless talking too, with Goldberg being present in the front row to pad this one out, and possibly a pointless segment with Torrie and Sable to promote their Playboy shoot too.
So, I don’t expect a lot from this show, but I hope come Monday, I’m pleasantly surprised.
Until then, have fun, go mad.
Thanks for reading – be sure and pay a visit to these two sweet sites :
Tony Cottam
Sign up for The Live Wire mailing list – have this column mailed straight to you!