Guys, gals and small furry animals,
Well, I know it’s WrestleMania weekend, but the virus going round my house has finally claimed me and I’m not up to writing a full column for this weekend. In an attempt to make up for it… here’s my picks for Sunday’s show…
Brock Lesnar vs. Goldberg
Special Referee : Steve Austin
Meh, one guy’s crap, the other’s quitting. Austin’s the only one staying with the company and he’s as useless as a chocolate fireguard. This should be a train wreck of a match, as I can’t see Brocky going all out if he’s off to an NFL tryout camp. Brock is the most likely to return in the future, so I go with him. In the meantime, the campaign to replace Lesnar with Sean O’Haire begins RIGHT HERE! WHOOO!
Winner : BROCK LESNAR
World Heavyweight Championship
Triple Threat Match
Triple H (c) vs. Shawn Michaels vs. Chris Benoit
Whoo, let’s have a party, Chris Benoit in the main event at WrestleMania, but no doubt set to get screwed over. Michaels is working on one leg (and a prayer, no doubt) and Trips has never been the same since he had to get his hair cut for the movie. Trips and Benoit have been getting rave reviews on the house show circuit, so I spy Trips winning (natch) with Benoit getting the rematch in Edmonton at Backlash.
Winner : TRIPLE H
Undertaker vs. Kane
Druids + Paul Bearer – Motorcycle X Nostalgia > Bald freak.
Winner : UNDERTAKER
WWE Championship Match
Eddie Guerrero (c) vs. Kurt Angle
Pretty pointless if they don’t let Eddie run with the belt after the build up they gave him… plus they can now push him as the guy that helped push Brocky The NFL Star out of the WWE. Kurt seems to be going slightly insane backstage, and his neck is probably in as good shape as my head is right now – and folks, that AIN’T a good thing.
Winner : EDDIE GUERRERO
Playboy Evening Gown Match
Stacy Keibler & Jackie Gayda vs. Torrie Wilson & Sable
I think a nice hot bowl of soup for this one, with an eye on the TV in case the rumours of nudity play out. Hey, I may not like the wrestling, but come on! BOOBIES! Playboy chicks to win, Miss Jackie to do the flashing – hey if TNA can do it…
Winners : SABLE & TORRIE
US Championship Match
The Big Show (c) vs. John Cena
Does The Big Show need the belt? No. Could Cena do with a boost now his raps are cleaner than Edge’s teeth? Yes. Case closed.
Winner : JOHN CENA
Cruiserweight Open Elimination Match
Funaki, Tajiri, Ultimo Dragon, Jamie Noble, Akio, Shannon Moore, Nunzio, Rey Mysterio and Kidman
Well, I think this works like a Gauntlet match, with 2 men starting and another replacing the man who gets pinned, with Chavo last out. I still maintain Rey will win, although it’s nice to see Ultimoooooooooooo at MSG.
Winner : CHAVO GUERRERO
Women’s Championship Match
Victoria (c) vs. Molly Holly
If Molly loses, she must shave her head
Can you really see Molly shaving her head? Me neither. On a side note, what will Victoria NOT be wearing tonight?
Winner : MOLLY HOLLY
Christian vs. Chris Jericho
Good long build up to this one, should be a good match. I see Trish getting involved in this one way or another, possibly accidentally costing Jericho the match, and setting up a rematch at Backlash… then the inevitable Trish heel turn? Who knows…
Winner : CHRISTIAN
Handicap Tag Team Match
The Rock & Mick Foley vs. Randy Orton, Batista & Ric Flair
Orton HAS to win. Surely. But this is WWEland, where logic and good booking are thrown out of the window. I would like to see Orton pin Foley cleanly to settle it, but a nagging suspicion at the back of my head says Orton vs. Foley – Hell In A Cell match at Backlash…
Winner : EVOLUTION
Fatal Fourway Tag Team Championship Match
RVD & Booker T (c) vs. Garrison Cade & Mark Jindrak vs. La Resistance vs. The Dudleys
Really, who cares? It’s the bland leading the bland. Let RVD and Booker keep it, gives them something to do.
Winners : RVD and BOOKER T
Fatal Fourway WWE Tag Team Championship Match
Rikishi & Scotty (c) vs. The APA vs. The Bashams vs. Haas & Benjamin
See Raw tag team match. Haas & Benjamin are the best tag team in North America right now, with America’s Most Wanted of TNA coming a close second. They are so much better than every other team in this match, that it hurts. They will win. They MUST win.
Winners : HAAS and BENJAMIN
Normal service should hopefully be resumed on Monday.
Until then, have fun, go mad.
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