Simon Lamb

The Last Rant

After almost 3 years of writing for the site, and years of complaining about the WWE, I have decided that this will be my last article. This is my last rant…

After almost 3 years of writing for the site, and years of complaining about the WWE, I have decided that this will be my last article. This is my last rant.

Why is it my last rant I hear you ask. Well, for a number of reasons. Firstly, I just can’t motivate myself to write anymore; today’s wrestling just bores me. On top of that I feel like I don’t want to be an Internet smark any more, and most importantly I’m studying abroad for a year and simply won’t have the time to write.

Those who use the forums will know that for years I’ve been posting about wrestling, discussing the big issues at the time. I don’t even enjoy doing that any more really, whether that’s because there really is nothing to discuss or not I don’t know, but I just don’t enjoy it.

It’s boring now, everyone’s a smark. Or so they seem to think. Any idiot with a keyboard and a monitor is the next Dave Meltzer these days. That may sound hypocritical coming from me but it isn’t. In every one of my articles I have always written it as a fan. I have always written my rants as someone who simply wants to be entertained. I have never sat and nitpicked how some moves weren’t perfect in Jericho v Austin from 2001. I am a smark yeh, but I’ve always considered myself different from most Internet writers in that I generally give criticism where it is due and not just to try and seem clever, like so many people do today.

I was on another wrestling site a while ago, one that I had always respected as a decent site which had a kind of funny smarkish attitude without taking it overboard. There I read a review of the WWE in 2001 (a reasonably good year). I swear it was pathetic, the guy was criticising every little aspect of Benoit v Austin, Jericho v Angle and other matches which any normal fan wouldn’t even have noticed or simply not cared about. It’s those type of writers that give any fan who uses the Internet a bad name. And I don’t think I’ve been back to that site since then.

It’s my last rant though, and it wouldn’t be complete without complaining about the state of a number of promotions. TNA is the one that has honestly pissed me off the most recently, though that is me going by the Sky Wrestling Channel timeline. Although since that X cup nonsense is still going on then I suppose my point still applies, the point being that the X cup involving Canada v Mexico or whoever else is involved is a complete waste of time.

As if having to put up with the ICP stinking up TNA wasn’t enough, they had a whole show dedicated to the most generic Canadian stars they could find against a pretty unexciting Mexican team. Teddy Hart I will leave alone even though I personally don’t rate him since I know he is quite popular out there, but guys like Jack Evans… give me a break. If he is a wrestler, then so are all the other trapeze artists around the world. For guys like Jack Evans, the men’s gymnastics event at the Olympics would be a more fitting place.

The problem is that there are people out there who eat up that nonsense as wrestling. Blame the introduction of Lucha Libre wrestling to mainstream US promotions, blame Jeff Hardy, blame the fact that these kids don’t take steroids, whatever you want… but the fact is that their extreme type of flip/flop style isn’t wrestling. Unlike guys like Jack Evans, guys like AJ Styles and Christopher Daniels are proper wrestlers who don’t have to go from one flip to one flop in their matches… look at how their high flying offence gels into a generally great style (both making sure that the big moves come at the right time rather than pointless flops), whilst guys like Jack Evans moveset probably matches that of the Korean gymnast who was screwed out of his gold medal in Athens. It’s a joke that guys like him are in the ring and getting paid, let alone by a company that claims to be the number 2 in the world. It’s not wrestling.

RoH isn’t much better of course. I saw some guy email into the Bagpipe report the other night asking why the WWE pushes so many roided up freaks without talent when they could get other good big guys like Abyss and Samoa Joe who are good wrestlers. Abyss is brilliant yes, but what the hell do people see in that fat nobody Samoa Joe that I don’t? The credibility that champions like Steve Corino and Jeff Jarrett give the other promotions just gets taken away when some fat useless idiot like Samoa Joe is champion. Personally I think he looks dangerous in the ring, and whilst the RoH roster generally seem to like having their necks bent back until breaking point whenever I’ve seen him wrestle I think he looks sloppy as hell. If I was Vince McMahon, I’d rather have Luther Reigns any day.

Speaking of Reigns, and Smackdown, I have to say out of all the big guys that the WWE are pushing who don’t perhaps have much talent, Reigns has the best chance of making it I think (that does not mean that I think the guy is outstanding in any way). I’d keep him in a suit for now, for everybody knows that a suit = overness. John Heindinheidyrech or whatever the guys name is… is destined for failure however. His push the first time didn’t just fail for no reason after all. I’d have to guess here at either someone wanting to undermine Heyman by watching him fail at getting Heindenrich over or someone believing that Heyman can help get anything over. Even the genius of Heyman won’t get that useless lump of wood over.

Keeping with Smackdown… if you were to ask me if there was one thing that has just completely put me off watching wrestling, and the WWE in particular now, I’d have to say it would be JBL being WWE champion. For me it was really the last straw, since I’d been a patient fan and watched the show through the worst and the best times. But it was a real slap in the face to all us fans when Bradshaw got the belt. It was actually depressing, and whilst wrestling is good when it gets your emotions going, you don’t watch wrestling to come away pissed off that you’d wasted your time watching it. Anyone out there still watching Smackdown I’m sure are enjoying the worst title feud since Hogan v Taker in 2002. It’s a shambles, with the only watchable things on that show being Booker T v John Cena and Angle and Guerrero. Not enough to keep me watching I’m afraid.

The other reason I’d probably give for why I’m no longer watching would be HHH remaining in the title scene constantly on Raw. If there was anyone out there who honestly thought HHH was jobbing to guys like Shelton Benjamin for the good of the business or because he was a nice guy then there’s something wrong with you. None of those jobs have affected HHH’s position, he has the ability to make you forget his jobs by cutting the same repetitive promo about everyone who he’s beat. I made the point ages ago about his promo undermining Benoit’s title run; ‘you only have the title because I let you have it’ etc. Irritating as hell.

Whilst Benoit was touring the world making people tap, HHH was always involved in the title scene, almost semi-feuding with Benoit. He didn’t have to worry about his position in the company being affected in losing to Benoit etc, since he knew the title would come back to him in the end. And the rumour that HHH pushed for Orton’s quick face turn since he knew he couldn’t pull it off thus meaning the company would give the belt to HHH again really does make you sick. WCW was crap as a result of the big guys wanting to keep their spot, the same thing really has happened with the WWE for a number of years now. Chances are soon enough the WWE are going to realise that Orton isn’t the next big thing now, though if he manages to pull off a decent title run he might be able to stay at the top anyway. You can bet your house though that HHH will be involved.

Unforgiven will probably be the last PPV I’ll see live for a looooooong time so I’ll watch it anyway, though I will be phoning home to get Survivor Series and Royal Rumble taped… both being PPVs that I will watch until I die I guess. Even guys who haven’t watched wrestling for years still tune in for the grandslam PPVs after all. I doubt heavily however that they’d ever tune in to an event with a name such as Taboo Tuesday though.

So that’s about it really. I’ve wrote about wrestling for long enough now, and though it was fun mainly, I personally don’t enjoy it any more. If I had to write one more article whilst Bradshaw remains with the Smackdown World Title I think I would shoot myself (well… I wouldn’t, but I’d be pissed off).

With the excellent Live Wire by the legendary Tony coming to an end a while back and now with me going I really do hope my replacement won’t just be some kid wearing WWE-tinted glasses who’s been brainwashed into believing the history of wrestling according to JR. The problem is I suppose that those type of people are the only ones who can actually be bothered writing any more.

You know what they say though… cycles! Peaks and troughs! It’ll get better soon! Well as long as they have no direction I can’t see there being a peak anytime soon. Enough of the Heindenrichs, enough of the Ortons, enough of the goddamn Tyson Tomkos. Enough of these generic wrestlers damnit. In my personal opinion they need to bring back over the top gimmicks, or at least give the characterless wrestlers of today some character back. Very few guys get to cut promos now, and though its good to see vignettes still getting used (ala Carly Colon… though that gimmick might suck), considering back in the day almost every wrestler got to cut a promo before their match I just don’t understand where the promo, and the fun in hearing a good one, has gone. Blame Benoit!

Oh yeah that’s right, important things like the Diva Search need the air time instead. Silly me.

Well anyway… over the years I’ve had only positive feedback, and I have never directly heard anyone say anything bad about my articles. I have to thank the people who actually read my articles, since there’s no worse feeling that writing something which you think will never get read.

It’s been great that even people who disagree with me have enjoyed my columns; even some HHH fans have given me good feedback. It’s honestly nice to know. So thank you all again.

Well, it’s been fun, thanks for reading. I’ll leave you with 3 important reminders.

  • HHH is not Ric Flair.

  • RoH is crap.

  • Bradshaw is the worst world champion ever.

Don’t forget them and you will go far… and who knows, you could have my old job.


Simon Lamb