We begin with footage from last week’s Raw when the McMahons conspired to allow Shane and Vince McMahon to defeat Shawn Michaels thanks to some nefarious means.
We are live from Beaumont, Texas and your announcers are Joey ‘Funk’ Styles, Jonathan ‘Stone Cold’ Coachman, and Jerry ‘Murdoch’ Lawler.
There is NO CHANCE that this week’s show wouldn’t start without Vince McMahon and Shane McMahon coming to the ring. They are accompanied by security and a man in a lab coat. There is a small area in the ring surrounded by a black curtain. Vince thanks the fans for the ‘Texas welcome’. Vince reminds the crowd that Shane beat the holy hell out of Shawn Michaels and pinned him. Vince reminds us that he beat Shawn Michaels as well. Shawn might be a little depressed for losing to two McMahons. There was no excuse for Shawn’s behavior after the match. It was documented that after the match, Shawn was disoriented and couldn’t even stand up. He was slurring his words and you couldn’t understand a word he was saying. That led to the conclusion that Shawn Michaels is on drugs. Tonight, Shawn Michaels will be forced to subject himself to a public urination test.
Shane commends his father for that decision. He wants to make sure that Shawn Michaels is clean. Vince says that he understands that. Because of what happened last week, Shawn Michaels has besmirched the image of the WWE. Vince tells Shawn to come to the ring right now. Shawn Michaels comes to the ring and security stands between Shawn and the McMahons.
Vince tells Shawn that they are going to proceed with the test. Vince says that Shawn might not be here much longer because of the test. If Shawn flunks the test, what will his excuse be for what happened last week? Shane tells Shawn that Shawn’s explanation will be that he is a liar, a hypocrite, and no more than a disgusting junkie. Shane calls Shawn a junkie. Vince says that if Shawn is a junkie, the test will prove it. Vince says that if Shawn is a junkie then he will be suspended indefinitely without pay. He will forfeit his match to Shawn on Saturday as well as at Wrestlemania. Vince introduces Shawn to Dr. Feldman. Vince asks to inspect the cup. Shane tells his father that he cannot trust a junkie. How will the test be on the ‘up and up’ so it needs to be supervised. Vince says that the doctor will also observe the collection. Vince realizes that it might be tough for him to urinate in front of the people in the arena or on television. Shawn gets into the curtained area.
Vince says that he has a public service announcement. He tells the kids if you are a user, you are a loser. Don’t be like Shawn Michaels and don’t use drugs. Shawn emerges from the curtained off area and the doctor has the cup in his hand. Vince tells the doctor to test the urine for drugs. Vince wants to know what Shawn would say about this circumstances. Would he like to apologize to family? Shane says that Shawn should have said ‘Just Say No’.
Shawn asks Vince and Shane if they are enjoying this. Shawn says that there is another saying. It’s better to be pissed off than pissed on. Shawn grabs the cup and tosses it on Vince and Shane. Shawn walks away while Vince and Shane freak out in the ring. We go to commercial.
On Unlimited, Shane and Vince wipe off what was thrown on them. Vince says that it stinks and smells so bad that it almost smells like Beaumont itself. Vince says that he came into town and smelled Beaumont and it smelled like they burn their dirty underpants. Vince leaves the ring and stomps to the back like no man has ever stomped before.
We are back with a commercial for Saturday Night’s Main Event.
We have a moments ago moment of Shawn throwing his urine sample on Shane and Vince McMahon.
Vince and Shane clean up and Vince is still angry. He says that Shawn will be wrestling all four men in the Spirit Squad in a Texas Tornado match in a steel cage.
On Saturday Night’s Main Event, Trish Stratus and Torrie Wilson will face Victoria and Candice Michelle.
Match Number One: Trish Stratus versus Victoria (with Candice Michelle) for the Women’s Title
Victoria knocks Trish down before the bell. Victoria misses a punch and Trish with a forearm and a Louise Thesz Press followed by punches. Victoria sends Trish into the ropes and then throws her to the mat for a two count. Victoria slams Trish’s head into the mat. Trish punches Victoria, but Victoria comes back with a knee. Victoria with an Irish whip and then she gets Trish up for a tilt-a-whirl side slam for a two count. Victoria slams Trish’s head into the mat and then tosses Trish down by the hair. Victoria gets a two count. Victoria lifts Trish onto her back by Trish’s hair. Victoria does it again, but Trish flips out of the hold and she hits a bicycle kick on Victoria that sends the challenger into the ropes. Trish charges at Victoria, but Victoria throws Trish out of the ring to the floor. Victoria goes out after Trish and then throws the champion back into the ring and gets a two count. Victoria gets Trish up for another tilt-a-whirl side slam, but Trish counters with a tilt-a-whirl head scissors. Trish and Victoria each hit clotheslines at the same time and both ladies are down. Trish blocks a punch and responds with a forearm. Trish with more forearms. Trish with an Irish whip, but she charges into an elbow. Trish tries for the handstand rana, but Victoria pushes Trish off. Trish with a kick and a handstand head scissors followed by a spinebuster for a two count. Victoria with a rake of the eyes. Trish with a kick and she sets up for Stratusfaction, but Candice gets on the apron and distracts the referee and Trish. Victoria kicks Trish and gets Trish up for the Widow’s Peak, but from out of nowhere, Torrie Wilson comes out and hits the X Factor on Victoria. Trish with a chick kick for the three count.
Winner: Trish Stratus
After the match, Victoria gets a mic and we go to commercial.
On Unlimited, Victoria tells Torrie that she will make her pay ‘big time’. Candice and Victoria leave the ring and head to the back.
Goldust comes to the ring.
We are back with an Unlimited Moment when Victoria told Torrie that she will pay.
Cowboy Troy comes to ringside and joins the announce team. Jerry Lawler says that he likes sitting next to a man in a black cowboy hat.
Jonathan Coachman presents Mick Foley’s greatest Wrestlemania moments. The graphic says Rated O for Overrated. It comments on Mick’s failures at Wrestlemania.
Match Number Two: Edge (with Lita) versus Goldust
Edge avoids a lock up with Goldust. Edge back Goldust into the corner and hits him with a forearm and punches instead of the clean break. Goldust punches Edge followed by a jumping butt bump. Edge kicks Goldust and follows that with a big boot. Edge punches Goldust and backs him into the corner. Edge with a hard Irish whip. Goldust punches Edge, but Edge responds with a knee and punch. Goldust with a powerslam and both men are down. Edge gets up first, but Goldust punches Edge followed by the drop down uppercut. Goldust with a reverse atomic drop followed by a clothesline. Goldust goes up for the punches of ten. Goldust sets Edge up in the corner for Shattered Dreams, but Lita gets on the apron. Goldust slaps Lita and that allows Edge to get out of the corner and he hits a spear for the three count.
Winner: Edge
After the match, Edge gets a mic and he tells Joey to shut up. He addresses Cowboy Carl and wants to know why he is trying to steal the thunder of the star of the show. He is the Rated R Superstar and he will be the star of Wrestlemania. Edge tells them to roll the trailer. Edge tells Mick that he will be added to his Wrestlemania legacy. He tells Mick that he can tell him on Saturday night since The Cutting Edge will be returning. This episode of The Cutting Edge will be rated H for Hardcore. We go to commercial.
On Unlimited, we see the carpet being unrolled in the ring for the contract signing. We also see the table and chairs being brought into the ring.
We are back with a Wrestlemania Big Time Moment. Roddy Piper hosting Morton Downey Junior at Wrestlemania in 1989.
We are back and Maria is exercising. Trish stops by and asks her if she knows where Torrie is. Maria mentions the new Bowflex that she is using and tells Trish to check the locker room. Trish enters the locker room and Torrie is knocked out with a Playboy on top of her. Trish calls for a doctor.
Coach, Lawler, and Joey suggest that it is obvious that it was Candice and Victoria who did it.
It is time to talk about the Hall of Fame inductees for this year. In addition to Bret Hart, Eddie Guerrero, Gene Okerlund, and Sherri Martel; Verne Gagne is the newest inductee. The segment talks about Verne’s accomplishments, including representing the United States in the Olympics. Verne is announced as a ten-time AWA Champion. It talks about the wrestlers that he trained. Verne will be inducted by Greg Gagne. Jerry Lawler mentions that he was the final AWA Champion.
Coach talks about the contract signing so he goes into the ring. We have a WWE Rewind of what happened last week when John Cena defeated Big Show. We go to commercial.
On Unlimited, Coach takes Todd ‘Here’s Your Sign’ Grisham’s sign segment, but he rips the people’s signs.
We are back and Coach is in the ring with the official contract signing table. He introduces Triple H first and Hunter comes to the ring. Out next is the WWE champion, John Cena. Coach says that the lawyers have reviewed the contracts and everything is in order. Coach asks if there are any questions. Triple H is given the contract first since he is the challenger. Before he signs, Triple H tells John that he was impressed last week. He asks the fans if they saw John Cena pick up the Big Show last week and give him the FU. Hunter says that it blew his mind because lifting 500 pounds would kill a normal man. Hunter says that he was impressed. But as strong as he is, it will not make a difference. It will not help him one bit at Wrestlemania. This is all a formality. The match at Wrestlemania is a formality to Hunter getting his title back. Hunter signs the contract. Cena signs it as well. Hunter tells Cena that ‘just like that it was over’. Hunter says that this is where Hunter usually throws over the table, pulls out a sledgehammer, and bashes Cena’s head in. Hunter says that he will manipulate anything. Hunter says that he is not going to do anything because he does not need an advantage. He tells Cena that he is already at a big enough disadvantage.
Cena says that he was fired up to come out here, but now he is cracked up. Cena says that was a funny story. Cena says that if Hunter flips the table and gets the sledgehammer, Cena says that he will take the sledgehammer and shove it up Hunter’s ass. Cena and Hunter get up and from out of nowhere, Big Show and Kane come out. Hunter turns over the table and grabs the GameHammer. Show and Kane continue to walk to the ring. From out of nowhere, Carlito and Chris Masters come out and attack Kane and Show. Carlito and Masters are held back.
On the TitanTron, Vince tells them if they want to fight so badly. They will be in the ring. Triple H will team with Carlito and Chris Masters against John Cena, Kane, and Big Show tonight. Vince tells them to get out of the ring because it is time for Shawn Michaels to get the holy hell beaten out of him and that is next. We go to commercial.
On Unlimited, Hunter and Cena have a standoff in the ring before Hunter leaves the ring with Gamey.
We are back with the official cage lowering with the official ‘light flashing’ and music.
We go to an earlier tonight moment of Vince telling Shawn the consequences of a positive test followed by Shawn throwing his sample onto Vince and Shawn.
Match Number Three: Shawn Michaels versus The Spirit Squad (Johnny Jeter, Nick Nemeth, Ken Doane, and Mike Mondo [with Nick Mitchell]) in a Texas Tornado Steel Cage Match
Mike is hoisted up to the top of the cage and Shawn tries to meet him on the way in. Shawn with a cross body from the top and then Michaels with punches to all four men. The Spirit Squad pile on and punch and kicks Michaels. All four men toss Michaels in the air and back to the mat. Michaels is tossed into the cage. They kick and punch Michaels in the corner. They hit a splash off a pyramid onto Michaels for a two count. Michaels is Irish whipped into the corner and they try again for the splash off the pyramid but Johnny misses. Michaels with punches followed by a flying forearm. Kenny tries for the leg drop from the top turnbuckle, but Michaels moves and he kips up. Mondo and Nemeth get reverse atomic drops. All four men get punches from Michaels followed by a slam and Michaels goes up top and hits an elbow drop from the top turnbuckle. Michaels sets up for Sweet Chin Music. Michaels tells the referee to open the door, but Mitch tries to slam the door in Michaels’s face. Michaels slams the door into Mitch’s face. Michaels with a super kick and he tries to leave the cage, but Shane McMahon slams the door into Michaels’s back. Shane rolls a member of the Spirit Squad on top of Michaels for the three count.
Winners: The Spirit Squad
After the match, Shane McMahon throws Michaels into the cage and then he does the Shane-O Shuffle. Shane throws Michaels into the cage again. Shawn has the cage raised while he yells at Michaels. They put Michaels in the corner and Shane puts a trash can in front of Michaels. Shane goes up he hits a Van Shane-inator. Shane tells Michaels that he will pay and pay dearly. Shane does the Shane-O Shuffle again and we go to commercial.
On Unlimited, Shawn Michaels is helped from the ring by the referees. As Shawn is helped to the back, the crowd give him an ovation and chants ‘HBK’.
We are back with a Moments Ago Moment of the end of the cage match and Shane McMahon slamming the cage door into Michaels’s back and the post match attack.
Todd Grisham is with Trish Stratus in the interview area. Todd wants to know if Trish has an update. Torrie suffered a concussion and she will be unable to wrestle on Saturday. She mentions that it is convenient that Victoria and Candice are gone. From out of nowhere, Mickie James comes out and says that she cares about Trish and will not let Trish wrestle in a handicap match. Mickie wants to team with Trish and after the match, they can go their separate ways. Trish agrees to do it and Mickie has a smile on her face.
They talk about Saturday Night’s Main Event and Jerry wants to know if Coach is happy that Steve Austin will be returning to television on Saturday. We see a video package of Steve Austin. On the show, there will be a beer drinking contest between Steve Austin and Bradshaw.
Vince is happy to see Shane with Shawn Michaels’s blood on his shirt. Vince says that he will be bringing back a member of the Kiss My Ass Club to call the show, especially Shane’s match. . . Jim Ross. Shane says that if Jim Ross doesn’t call the match right, he will leave Jim a bloody mess, just like Shawn Michaels.
Rob Van Dam gets ready for his match and we go to commercial.
On Unlimited, we have a Smackdown Rebound.
We are back and Ric Flair joins the announce team, but Coach refuses to acknowledge Flair. We go to the Slam of the Week: Ric Flair attacking Shelton Benjamin with the oxygen tank after winning by disqualification last week on Raw.
Shelton gets on the mic and she says that his mother will not be here because she had to undergo heart surgery. He blames Flair for aggravating the situation. He tells his mama that he loves her and he will beat the hell out of anyone who has the guts . . . but he is cut off by his opponent’s entrance.
Match Number Four: Shelton Benjamin versus Rob Van Dam for the Intercontinental Title
Benjamin backs Van Dam into the corner and Benjamin with a clean break. Benjamin with a hammer lock into a snap mare and then he slaps Van Dam. Van Dam backs Benjamin into the corner and Van Dam with a clean break, but Benjamin pushes Van Dam down. Benjamin goes into the ropes. Benjamin with a kick and punch to Van Dam followed by a slam.
Benjamin tries to slam Van Dam’s head into the turnbuckle, but Van Dam blocks it and kicks Benjamin and then hits a clothesline, arm drag, and a drop kick that sends Benjamin outside the ring. Van Dam goes after Benjamin and brings him back into the ring. Benjamin with a kick and then he puts Van Dam on the top turnbuckle. Van Dam knocks Benjamin off, but Benjamin jumps to the top turnbuckle and hits an overhead belly-to-belly throw as we go to commercial.
On Unlimited, Van Dam with a rollup for a two count. Benjamin throws Van Dam’s shoulder into the ring post. Benjamin with a punch to Van Dam’s head. Benjamin throws Van Dam’s shoulder into the ring post one more time. Benjamin gets a two count and then he puts Van Dam in a key lock. Van Dam gets to his feet and he punches Benjamin. Benjamin with a kick to Van Dam’s back and then he returns to the shoulder with a key lock and then he applies more pressure to Van Dam’s shoulder.
We are back on USA and Benjamin has the key lock applied to Van Dam. Van Dam tries to power out, but Benjamin grabs Van Dam’s hair. Benjamin punches Van Dam in the head. Benjamin returns to the key lock. Van Dam punches Benjamin, but Benjamin kicks Van Dam in the leg. Benjamin punches Van Dam in the corner and tries for a drop kick, but Van Dam holds on to the ropes. Van Dam with forearms to Benjamin. Benjamin charges into an elbow in the corner followed by clotheslines and a side kick from Van Dam. Van Dam with an Irish whip and then he hits a running spin kick followed by rolling splash for a two count. Van Dam with a monkey flip, but Benjamin lands on his feet. Van Dam with a step over spin kick and then Van Dam goes up top. Van Dam hits a side kick from the top that knocks Benjamin to the floor. Van Dam with a pescado. Benjamin goes outside the ring and gets the belt. Flair grabs the belt. Van Dam hits Flair and that allows Benjamin to get a rollup with some help from the ropes for the three count.
Winner: Shelton Benjamin
After the match, Van Dam and Flair have some words about the events at the end of the match. We go to commercial.
We are on Unlimited and it is time for Maria to come out for the Kiss Cam.
We are back and they talk about the return of Jim Ross next week. They run through the card for Saturday Night’s Main Event:
Shane McMahon versus Shawn Michaels in a Street Fight
The Cutting Edge with Mick Foley as the guest
Booker T versus The Boogeyman
Bradshaw versus Steve Austin in a beer drinking contest
Candice Michelle and Victoria versus Trish Stratus and Mickie James
Triple H and John Cena versus Randy Orton, Kurt Angle, and Rey Mysterio
On Unlimited, Carlito tells the crowd that they are lucky because they get to see the Masterpiece and their favorite Carlito team up with the ten time world champion, Triple H. He says that after they win their tag team extravaganza, they are going to go to Wrestlemania where they are going to beat Big Show and Kane. Speaking of Kane and the Big Show, they come out for the main event.
Match Number Five: Carlito, Chris Masters (with his amazing Technicolor ring robe), and Triple H (with GameFountain) versus John Cena, Kane, and Big Show
Carlito and Show start things off. Show tosses Carlito into the corner and he chops Carlito in the corner. Show with the Shhhh chop followed by a head butt. Show with another Shhhh chop and Kane is tagged in. Kane with an uppercut to Carlito followed by a big boot. Kane with an Irish whip and a running clothesline. Kane follows that with the side slam. Kane punches Masters, but Carlito with an eye poke and Hunter is tagged in. Cena is tagged in as well. Hunter and Cena stare each other down and Hunter tags in Carlito who is surprised to be tagged in. Cena with an elbow and clothesline to Carlito. Cena with a back body drop. Masters comes in and he gets a belly-to-belly suplex for his troubles. Masters attacks Cena from behind when Cena has some words for Hunter. Carlito with a suplex to Cena and then he tags in Masters. Masters with a forearm to Cena. Masters with a delayed vertical suplex. Masters with an elbow to Cena’s back and Carlito is tagged back in. Carlito with an elbow and kicks to Cena followed by punches for a near fall. Cena punches Carlito, but Carlito responds with a knee and a flapjack for a two count. Carlito punches Cena in the corner followed by an Irish whip. Show tags in and he clotheslines Carlito followed by a big boot to Masters. Hunter comes in and Show with a head butt to Hunter. Show with a power slam to Carlito and Masters makes the save. Kane with a jumping clothesline from the top turnbuckle to Masters and then Kane clotheslines Masters over the top rope to the floor. Show with a press slam to Hunter and then Kane and Show set up for a double choke slam, but Carlito and Masters hit Kane and Show with chairs. The referee calls for the bell.
Winners: Kane, Big Show, and John Cena (by disqualification)
Show, Kane, Masters, and Carlito fight to the back while Hunter is outside the ring. Cena is inside the ring and he wants Hunter to come in the ring. Hunter and Cena yell at each other and then Hunter gets on the apron. From out of nowhere, Randy Orton comes out and he gives Cena an RKO. Hunter wonders what just happened while Orton goes through the crowd. We go to credits.