Welcome wrestling fans to the very first edition of Dr Reed’s Rumours. This is the hottest new column to arrive on the US Scene here at Wrestling 101.
For those of you who are not familiar with my work check it out HERE.
I have been deemed as “The king of cryptology” as I provide cryptic insights into NPWA Head Office and now I’m hoping to give you wrestling fans insights into the ever-evolving world of WWE and perhaps some TNA every now and again.
So I’m guessing you’re probably sat at your computer desk wondering why you should bother reading ‘rumours’ and cryptic insights into the WWE when you could be outside preparing yourself for the summer. Well first of all the weather and WWE do in fact have something in common, they change daily.
You should read these rumours because it’s roughly (depending on your reading speed and other extraneous variables) 10-15 minutes out of your life that you will find more enjoyable than being sick after going a roller-coaster that you thought was too fast (I can’t promise you won’t feel nauseous though)
So without further a due I present to you Wrestling 101 readers four rumours that deal with current storylines in the WWE.
In various aspects of life we are advised to take protection so Dr Reed has done exactly that:
** You will be misinformed by MANY of the rumours you read in the next couple of lines. Dr Christopher Reed will not be held responsible: BY READING THIS TO YOURSELF YOU ARE WAVING ANY LEGAL PROSECUTIONS AGAINST CHRISTOPHER REED. **
1. Around 33% of the worlds religion is Christianity, after researching various types of Religions and what beliefs they have I happened to come across a rather peculiar religion entitled ‘McMahonism’. As we saw on April 17th on Monday Night Raw, Vince McMahon brought about the birth of his religion. In this religion, Mr McMahon is the lord, master, and god of all sports entertainment. I was intreigued by this form of religion so I decided to do some sluthing around and what I uncovered was quite shocking indeed. After speaking to various WWE staffers I have gained wisdom and knowledge with regards to McMahonism. In fact I can explain one of the rituals that Mr McMahon insists happen before he enters his locker room. An order sent down from the prophets decrees that various WWE Divas have to be filled with voluptuousness and bear resplendent garments as they treat McMahon like a God when he enters the room. Who knows where McMahonism will take you? You have to be a believer. I tried to get on a conference call with a certain powerful religious leader but unfortunetly I was struck down, was that an act of God seemingly condeming McMahonism? One things for sure and that is the 16% of the world who are not religious may soon convert to this all powerful and playful religion.
2. There are three letters that are captivating WWE audiences worldwide and they are: ECW. Vince McMahon has resurrected ECW and many sceptics are saying that this new ‘brand’ of extreme championship wrestling may not live up to its previous legacy. Now it was brought to my attention last week that former Raw GM Eric Bischoff is bringing out a book in October entitled: “Controversy Creates Cash”. There has certainly been a lot of controversy lately on the forums regarding Paul Haymen’s role in the reformed ECW brand. But since his departure from Raw last year my Reed radar has been focused on Eric Bischoff, he did do a deal with McMahon what would stop him doing a deal with Haymen? Could the former Raw GM take things to the extreme?
3. One of the most, if not the most mentally unstable wrestler in WWE has to be Kane. In recent times he’s been haunted by one day in the calendar year (coincidentally my mothers birthday) and then on the May 29th edition of Raw we saw Kane get chokeslammed by an older version of himself. I don’t think the word ‘surreal’ quite covers it all. From storylines involving necrophilia to burning a Raw commentator Kane has seemingly done it all. I was informed by one of my WWE anonymous sources that Kane even decided to go online-via Ebay and attempt to purchase every single item that had the word ‘cane’ involved in it. Perhaps someone should have informed Kane about keywords and defining his search as he apparently bought everything from a cane, a model volcano, an x-rated DVD box set and a lot of McCain frozen food. One has to wonder is Kane’s mental state rapidly deteriorating or did he intentionally want all those products? We all see ourselves in the mirror daily (some more than others) but for Kane looking in the mirror must be worse than having concrete poured into a glass cage that your standing in.
4. The theme for WWE over the last couple of months seems to be ‘cross-dressing’. On the April 7th edition of Smackdown we saw William Regal do something worse than kissing ass, he was forced to dress up as ‘buxom wench’, more recently we have had to watched Vito don a dress and on the Raw side we have seen Goldust dress up as a show girl (Seeing Goldust cross-dress isn’t something new though) whether or not this is classed as entertainment is up to an individuals discression. My only concern is if we have the male athletes dressing up (or down) what will the Divas do? Will we see the likes of Torrie Wilson and Candice Michelle placing on suits and coverning up there erm…assets? Then again judgeing from Candice’s playboy pictures, fans, we have nothing to worry about.
And I’m sorry to say that’s it for the debut edition of the tantalising Dr Reed’s Rumours as I have an appointment at a fancy dress shop.
Until next month fans I will leave you with these words of wisdom; “Your attire is your prerogative”.