Hello everyone and welcome once again to that time of the month were you drop everything that you are doing, withdraw from the daydreams and focus on the US Scene’s Hottest new column, Dr Reed’s Rumours.
As always I’m your host Dr Christopher Reed and in this months edition of the rumours I’m hoping to brighten up your day (I’m aware that the nights are drawing in and winter is vastly approaching but you see the point I’m trying to make) in the time it takes you to read this column I hope you become encapsulated in the utopian world that I create in your minds.
So now that the scene has been set, it’s time to tell the tale and unravel this months rumours inspired by World Wrestling Entertainment. A common phrase used a lot in everyday life is “time is of the essence”, time stands still whilst you read these rumours spun by the “king of cryptology”.
You wouldn’t want to miss two things this month…the first being Dr Reed’s Rumours of course and the second being the WWE’s next PPV Unforgiven. Missing out on these two spectacular events really will be unforgivable.
If someone didn’t accept an apology there actions would be seen as unforgivable, so will WWE’s Unforgiven be an event that is unforgivable or one that we all view as justifiable? Unfortunately I don’t know the answer to that but I do know that without further a due I present to you Wrestling 101 readers four rumours that deal with current storylines in the WWE.
Before my actions are viewed by you W101 readers as unpardonable, I want you W101 fans to remember this:
** You will be misinformed by MANY of the rumours you read in the next couple of lines. Dr Christopher Reed will not be held responsible: BY READING THIS TO YOURSELF YOU ARE WAVING ANY LEGAL PROSECUTIONS AGAINST CHRISTOPHER REED. **
1. I’ve made no secret about my admiration for Vincent Kennedy McMahon, love him or hate him (in most cases we should love him) we have to respect him and what he has done for the wrestling industry. After watching Monday Night Raw I realised it simply wasn’t enough and I wanted another quick fix of McMahon (I’m aware how that sounds) so as I’ve mentioned in previous rumours I went out to purchase the newest WWE DVD “McMahon”. No doubt W101’s Stephen Lyon will write a splendid review soon on it, but I can tell you fans now that this DVD is a must have for any fan of McMahon or any fan of his work. Whilst on my third viewing of the DVD (my social life isn’t as busy as I’d like) a couple of things occurred to me. As saddening as this is for me to say, the mental health of Vince McMahon is something that needs looking into. I did ponder whether or not as another grey hair appears on his cerebral head; inside his egomaniacal mind does another brain cell frazzle? At the age of 60+ does Vince McMahon need brain training? Or maybe it’s just the pressure of years in the business finally getting to him. It seems to be some sort epidemic at the moment. After reading this piece of Breaking News by a colleague of mine…is the pressure of management too much? They say evolution is inevitable, I ask the question, is insanity?
2. Whether it is an animal or a human, from birth survival is an innate behaviour, it is instinctual and mandatory. This description for survival can apply to the wrestling industry especially if you are placed in a match so brutal that even hell its self wouldn’t be a suitable venue, I am of course talking about the demonic structure that is WWE’s Hell in a Cell. The structure itself is extremely dangerous but throwing in a mixture of things like a 500lbs monster, a mentally unstable egomaniacal chairman, a mentally stable (for now) egomaniacal son, and two men who really suck the zest out of life and you have the makings of pandemonium. The theme for this month does appear to be survival as “The Wonderkid” Jonny Storm heads towards NPWA’s Strive to Survive 5 to take on The Fireball in a match that is going to be hotter than if it were an inferno match. A famous catchphrase of Vince McMahon’s is “Life sucks then you die” and of course DX have there infamous catchphrase “Suck it!” one has to wonder who won’t be able to chew there food and will be forced to suck it after this match. Bodies will be battered and the survivors will feel the affects to the extent that victory isn’t that comforting. Vince McMahon has fought God before but will God be on the side of the Chairman and show some mercy, or will Vince McMahon be Unforgiven for his sins?
3. As I have mentioned countless number of times, the Internet really is a remarkable tool, the marvel that is www.wrestling101.com wouldn’t exist without it, you can buy anything over the Internet including the honorary title of “Sir”. Of course this rather pales in comparison to being knighted by a King like Smackdown Superstar William Regal has recently been. In this modern day what is fashionable and socially acceptable sets precedent on how we lead our lives (or how some of us do) in the ever evolving wrestling world having regal status clearly is the thing to covert at this moment in time. Of course Sir William Regal isn’t alone in his quest for monarchizing the wrestling industry. As you can see this guy and gal have hereditary tiles past down to them and even though they are part of the wrestling business they certainly aren’t keeping it a secret. But secrets are kept closely guarded by monarchies or so it would seem anyway. Is King Booker keeping secrets from his Court? Now I may be a Doctor but perhaps a different Doctor is needed to diagnose this problem. Perhaps a Doctor of thuganomics?
4. When a person retires its common courtesy to hold a retirement party for them. So your favourite Doctor contacted his source inside WWE and asked if the Raw fat cats had held a retirement party for outgoing Raw Diva Trish Stratus. My source informed me that they had held a party for Trish, and it was apparently a mementos occasion with everybody who’s anybody there. Of course I was invited but I had to turn down the request as I was writing this inspirational column for you Wrestling 101 fans. Now being English born and bread I did enquire what sort of buffet they had placed on for one of the greatest female wrestlers in professional wrestling. My source informed me of the usual things like cheesecake and sausage rolls but my source did say that there was a rather odd looking Victoria sponge cake there that no one took a piece of. As well as the Raw and Smackdown superstars in attendance, my source informed me of a rather peculiar Jazz band that wouldn’t play any requested songs. Let’s hope that Trish Stratus’ retirement is more plain sailing than her retirement party. On a final note I will say that Trish proved all the stereotypes wrong and delivered stratusfaction each and every time she performed.
And on that note I have to depart you fans for this month, but first my apologies for a slightly later than usual column, I’ve had some problems with my Internet Service Provider…in fact I do have to go now because I’m finally off hold.
Until next month fans remember if you want to be the best then you have to see the best, so take a look at previous Rumours or a different syle of Rumours.