The Gorilla Position

The Gorilla Position #5: A Christmas Story

A Christmas story…

It was the night before Raw, and all through the ‘E

all the wrestlers were running trying to hide their steroid

Vince was relaxing in his big black chair

singing about robbing everyone from there.

When up from above he heard a loud clatter,

it was "Hey brother," the Hulk making a splatter.

"Vince," he said firmly, "you know what we

Another final match with King Kong Bundy."

Vince gritted his teeth and started to snarl,

"Why King Kong Bundy? We have Lashley, after all!"

They all laughed about Cryme Time and how non-racist they

"Why they’re just two black guys who rob and make a
great tag team."

Then from the hallway came a crazy coloured dream.

"Is that The Boogeyman?", Vince shouted with such

"Who re-hired you back, you fat disgrace?"

But it wasn’t the dark one with the red face,

but the balding Paul Heyman looking like a little pouty
pig while wearing lace!

"ECW! ECW! ECW!" he screamed.

Then Test came out with a boot to his spleen.

"Heyman, you idiot, why can’t you see

when you sign with Vince, your dreams are not free."

J.R. snivelled and coughed and said, "Good God, King!"

while King was trying to bang every girl barely over 16.

Where was Austin, Mick, Rock, and Angle?

Where’s the attitude that made the show star-spangled?

Well, Linda came in grizzled as jerky

and not even fitting to screw Sylvester Turkey.

Stephanie came charging straight through the tower

as HHH was a shouting, "I hope the game is not over
before I have to take that cold shower."

Shane O’Mac saw the bedlam and started dancing spasmodic

while "showing the money " to any girl that would
tap it!

Orton was shitting in stockings with glee,

and Edge was banging a friend’s girlfriend just as he pleased.

The rest of the roster was just soaking in rays

from coin-filled tanning beds that Vince makes them pay.

What a wonderful Christmas the tower was about to see

with RVD in the crapper toking while trying to pee.

Sabu blew a spot when he fell out of a chair

and Cena said, "FU" to anyone that still cares.

Shawn Michaels thought he was cute, but he knew he was sexy

even though he looking as old as Uncle Jesse.

The festivities, top notch, as Eugene blew his nose,

and Duggan’s "thumb up" gave us all a great Christmas

Yet something was lacking. What could it be?

Finley, Booker, or Kenndy rambling pleas?

No, it was the ‘Taker and Kane,

those dudes from the dark letting Vince know that he’s Santa
and Trump’s a mark!

"Merry Christmas" was screamed from the top of
Titan Towers

as they laughed at the shit bath

Vince will soon be drowning us in for hours!

Thank you and have a Happy Holiday!

Darlin’ Danny Dunn