PHOENIX – SmackDown kicked off on a happy note Friday night, when General Manager Theodore Long and his sexy fiancée, Kristal, announced in the ring that on September 21, they will declare their vows on the show that’s changed Friday nights, and all our fans are invited to attend. But then “Teddylicious” and Kristal were interrupted by The Great Khali and his translator, Ranjin Singh, who stormed out to complain how his Punjabi “Championship Celebration” had been ruined the week before by Batista. An irate Long put his managerial foot down, ordering the giant World Heavyweight Champion to put his title on the line against The Animal at SummerSlam. So the angered 7-foot-3 monster later took his frustrations out by disrupting Batista & Ric Flair’s non-title match against WWE Tag Team Champions Deuce & Domino. And the “Nature Boy” would feel the frightening fury of the colossal champion and his newest hand-weapon, a devastating claw to the skull.
Determined to prove he’s better than the brash and cocky Montel Vontavious Porter, Matt Hardy declared his first challenge against the United States Champion: An arm wrestling competition. Despite MVP’s stalling tactics, a focused Matt eventually forced the Franchise Playa’s arm down on the table for the win. The aggravated hotshot claimed that he’s still better than Matt because he wasn’t ready, and he can still beat him where it counts: Wrestling. Yet when it looked like he might lose the intense non-title match that immediately took place, the United States Champion bailed with the gold, resulting in a count-out win for Hardy.
Frustration certainly was the recurring theme of the evening, and Jamie Noble’s night proved no different. After Funaki and Shannon Moore’s arena hallway taunts of how Noble lost to the only Superstar shorter than him, the cruiserweight physically vented his outrage on Moore inside the squared circle, utilizing a ferocious gutbuster to score the pinfall. Shortly after the victory, Noble’s worst nightmare popped out from beneath the ring. Hornswoggle, the miniature Cruiserweight Champion of the World, taunted Noble with the gold and laughed in his face…before slamming it with a huge cream pie.
Former Cruiserweight Champion Chavo Guerrero had also been in a taunting mood, expressing to Vickie Guerrero how much he was looking forward to Rey Mysterio’s return at SummerSlam – as a one-legged wrestler. SmackDown’s Assistant G.M. wasn’t in a laughing mood, however, so she put her nephew-in-law in equally poor humor — by naming Chavo as Rey’s opponent at The Biggest Party of the Summer.
Meanwhile, Mark Henry “explained” to unfortunate opponent Nate Nickerson why he thinks he rules the SmackDown jungle. Vehemently taking out the local wrestler with an excruciating bear hug, Henry then showed our fans why no one has answered his open challenge to step into the ring with him, presenting footage of his vicious assault on Undertaker last May, which cost The Phenom his World Heavyweight Title and placed him on the shelf indefinitely.
In other SmackDown action, Kane – a monster who’s eager to accept anyone’s challenge – squared off against Chris Masters. While The Masterpiece nearly pulled off the upset by clamping Kane in his powerful Master Lock, the Big Red Machine escaped the hold and sealed Masters’ fate with an emphatic chokeslam.
Meanwhile, Jimmy Wang Yang, accompanied down the ramp by Torrie Wilson, went one-on-one with Kenny Dykstra, who was joined by Victoria at ringside. After hitting his top-rope moonsault for the victory, SmackDown’s resident redneck and the beautiful Diva “yee-haw’ed” all the way to the locker room area, leaving an audibly heated Dykstra and Victoria in the ring.
Match Results (from wrestleview.com):
* Kane def. Chris Masters
* Mark Henry def. Nate Nickerson
* Matt Hardy def. United States Champion MVP (Arm Wrestling Contest)
* Matt Hardy def. MVP (non-title match)
* Jamie Noble def. Shannon Moore
* Jimmy Wang Yang def. Kenny Dykstra
* Batista & Ric Flair vs. WWE Tag Team Champions Deuce & Domino (No Contest)