How ya living, kids? It’s your boy, the 9-milli packin-never-slackin-straight-attackin PHD in thug-captain-astronaut, Caliber Winfield. I know you’re salivating for the hot new Monday Nyquil, which is basically sex for your eyes. This week around, I’m going to discuss just what I find wrong in the world of pro-wrestling these days. My thoughts will probably go back at least a year, as well. And I’ll get into some detail about what I think should have been done. I am the expert, duh.
First off, the whole way in which Sting came into TNA. It was herald as the second coming of Christ. Then what happens after weeks, nay, decades of his return being sung? He wrestles in one tag match, and then retires? Bah. Then Jarrett calls him out forever, and we get tons, and tons, and tons of Sting promos, commercials, and everything else in the world. And I thought the first return was bad. So after this huge ordeal, what happens? He wins the title and drops it a month later! A freaking month?! We get damn near a funking year worth of Sting ass-kissing for a one month title reign?!
The guy doesn’t wrestle, or do anything for what seems like forever, and just wins the title. When we have guys like Samoa Joe working their ass off, and having classic match after classic match. It reminds me a lot of WCW, but at least they try and build up their own talent. But then again, just like WCW, what happens when a WWE guy comes in? He’s given the title and owns the whole roster, letting us know that TNA is in fact the weaker group. I’m also pissed they’ve taken the ONE big man in wrestling whom I like, Abyss, whom puts on dope matches and give him a lame-ass feud with Dungeon of Doom v2. C’mon TNA. Your ratings are still losing out to a one-hour wrestling show that has lately been headlined by King Mabel. *sigh*
Speaking of TNA. The WWE didn’t want to sign Samoa Joe back in the day, because they said he didn’t have the look. So Joe goes to TNA, where he becomes the best wrestler today, well, next to Edge, and just tears the scene up. So what does the WWE do? They create an absolutely horrible rip-off of him in the name of Umaga. You may know him as Jamal, one half of 3 Minute Warning. The guy who was one half of a team that kept getting arrested, and hurting people in the ring, not to mention having a bad attitude. So what do we do? Give him a SUPER push, and watch as he has crappy match after match, and the only time he can really pull off something good is when he’s in the ring with someone who actually is decent. But even then. And come on, the Samoan Spike? That’s the goddamn dumbest finisher in the history of the business. Didn’t we learn anything from Mankind’s buddy, the Executioner? The only thing worse would be if the WWE started to push a very ugly, 7’2” crap-bag who sends people running in droves from buying PPVs, or watching his matches. But thankfully, that would never happen.
John Cena tearing his peck muscle was a very good thing for the WWE. It gave them a fresh run at the title scene. As we know, Cena was getting stale. So, we get Kennedy tearing Cena’s peck, and Shawn just coming back from having Randy put him out. What do they do? They ruin any sort of climax by having Shawn get revenge right away, and just have the match right off the bat. Nothing is ever mentioned of Kennedy tearing Cena’s peck. Thus wasting perfectly good badassed ness.
So, here’s what should have been done. That night Shawn came back, Orton gets out of the ring, and avoids Shawn all together. Shawn comes close, but no cigar. So the next week, Randy comes out to say that he damn near ended Shawn’s career, and that Shawn’ll never be able to get his hands on him, nor would he want to, because he’s the WWE’s biggest bad-ass. Enter Kennedy. He comes out to say that Orton took out a washed up hack. He took out the WWE champion in his prime. HE is the real bad-ass. They have their words, and realize what’s the point of fighting? They could form a team and dominate the WWE, ending careers of any they chose. They’d do random attacks on Raw, like Orton was doing, and just put the hurt on people. Even jumping over to Smackdown to put the hurt on people, and facing their champions in tag matches of sorts with Shawn. All this leading up to Wrestlemania where Cena would make his return, and it would be, much to Orton and Kennedy’s chagrin, Orton vs. Kennedy vs. Cena vs. Shawn for the WWE title in a No Holds Barred match. That would be HUGE. We’d finally see Shawn get his revenge on Orton, as well as Cena on Kennedy, and with him being gone so long, he’d be welcome. Then come the end of the match, BAM, Cena, who for most of the match, was teaming with Shawn, turns on him. All 3 men pummel Michaels to near death, then pin him. So now Cena is heel for the first time in awhile, which would keep him fresher than zip lock, and we’d have ourselves an AWESOME stable. They could invite one more member, or what have you. But it would be awesome. They’d be the most bad-ass stable since the nWo first started. Tell me that wouldn’t draw huge. People would be salivating for Shawn to get his chance. I’m telling ya…
Another gripe of mine is the way the IC belt is tossed around like it’s a vile of the Ebola disease or something. Every 5 seconds someone else has it. The last great reign was by Orton, and that was almost 4 years ago. C’mon. The IC belt use to really mean something. Ladder matches between Shawn and Razor, and bouts like Bret vs. Bulldog in England made that belt worth something. You had that title, and you were so close to having a shot at the WWE title. Now it’s like the leather belt I wear to work has more meaning to it. Well, I should be thankful; at least a McMahon isn’t holding the belt.
Alright kids, I’m out of here. I’d love to hear what you guys think of the fine work I’m producing, so holler at cha’ boy. Keep it gangster.