Ruse's Muses

Ruse's WWE Raw Review – 21st December 2009

Christmas editions of Raw are always littered with comedic skits and 2009’s festive offering was no exception. We had an array of small folk, Tiger Woods-related satire, mistletoe-based segments, various Secret Santas, further humiliation for Chris Jericho and to top it all, Mae Young puckering up her lips whilst dressed in all-to-revealing Yuletide garb.The fun and games have been panned on an assortment of Internet message boards but cheer up folks; it is the season to be jolly after all. Such juvenile hoopla would have severely ruined most Monday nights, yet in the Crimbo special it seemed to fit. The devisors of the humour won’t win any awards for it but the scripted shtick did tickle my funny bone – I just hope it does not persist next week.

Slapstick was in full force when – after weeks of delay – DX finally made their way to Little People’s Court, which, of course, was situated under the ring. After an abundance of “inadvertent” size-ist quips, not to mention a mini-Shawn Michaels, the veteran rascals were found guilty of “intentional infliction of emotional distress” on Hornswoggle. They may have been chased away from session by the tiny posse but HHH and the Showstopper were not yet done for the evening.

Clad in green, they intervened when Big Show and Chris Jericho – back on Raw courtesy of impersonating Father Christmas – aimed to squash Hornswoggle after he and his pint-sized pals ruined their somewhat-homoerotic tryst. With Jeri-Show running scared, DX decided to appoint the excitable leprechaun their official mascot, which will at least give him something profitable to do.

The entire situation – along with most of the non-wrestling absurdity – took precedence on Raw but frolics aside, there was some solid in-ring action. The best of it came in the match between Jack Swagger and John Cena where the former gave the latter some serious problems before the displaced WWE champion picked up the victory. Given time to showcase his skills, the All-American American proved why many believe he should have had the title opportunity and not the brutish Irishman Sheamus.

The Celtic Warrior – who will defend his gold against Cena next week after backing away from a rematch this Monday – continued his dominance with a convincing win over a toiling MVP. While the ginger-haired philistine seemingly has a long stint in the main event ahead of him, the Ballin’ Superstar is in a rut.

Granted the match by guest host, baseball player Johnny Damon, MVP wanted to illustrate why he deserved a title shot but was not handed enough time to shine. The move from Smackdown during the draft was designed to elevate him but the Franchise Playa may have to return to the blue brand in order to reinvigorate his WWE career.

The entire Legacy triumvirate were also in attendance, teaming up to tackle Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne and Mark Henry. It was good to see Orton, DiBiase and Rhodes in tandem and even better to view fan-favourite Bourne wrestling a large chunk of the match. Kingston secured the victory by pinning DiBiase but his feud with the Viper seems far from over.

Elsewhere, the Miz overcame the challenge of Santino “Marella” Claus, Chris Masters received a kiss from Eve after beating Carlito, and Kelly Kelly, Melina and Gail Kim defeated Maryse, Alicia Fox and the tone-deaf Jillian in a decent six-diva battle.

Let’s hope that deeds between the ropes control the final Raw of 2009 and that the jocular escapades – as much as I liked them – are put on the backburner. Wrestling needs to take centre stage now in preparation for the Royal Rumble – the winner of which is, rather excitingly, anybody’s guess – and ultimately the granddaddy of them all, Wrestlemania.