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The Gorilla Position #10: A look back at Wrestlemania 23



10 April 2007

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Wrestlemania 23 was a Wrestlemania that had the doctor of style slip sliding in the back with the dragon and Dusty Rhodes. It was an American nightmare with this amalgamation of wrestling greats and a terrible WWE house party in the back. It reminded me of why I sometimes regurgitate at the thought of seeing my former childhood stars turned into McMahon hand puppets for a few dollars. Well, I can say that they did more than Benoit did in his wrestling match or Kane and the Great Khali.

The wrestling world was sullied by a Benoit that seemed as motivated as Jericho would be on nights he knew that it just didn’t matter. Did he do more than three different moves for that whole match? It was at last a sad sight when you dumb down a Benoit match. It is like a Picasso drawn with curvy lines. So I watch another Wrestlemania that leaves me wanting. I have grown used to that.

The Michaels-Cena match had a good 5 minute spurt but nothing special. Taker vs. Batista: I had a Coke with some wings and saw the druids. Whoopty freakin doo. Hair vs. hair with Lashley and Umaga, Shane O’Mac, Vince, Trump, and Austin was a gimmick that worked out OK. My wife laughed at Trump, but I have laughed at Trump many of times before wrestling, especially while I was playing his Trump board game trying to collect the billions.

The money in the bank match was spotty. It was by far the most entertaining match of the night. So, kudos to Mr. Kennedy …my pick as the next Austin /Rock replacement.

I dub the Wrestlemania a so-so performance. If this is all grown up, you looked at hell of a lot better in your younger years.

With that off my chest, I am glad to be coming back from the Wrestling101 sabbatical. I prepared for this column by watching Piper’s DVD. Piper had me “chewing gum and wishing I could kick ass.” I was touched at the life of the rowdy one. The shear nerve the man had in his career is not seen as often as it should be now in wrestling. He was a man that was unpredictable in front of the camera. His off the cuff one liners to his coconut in the head of Snuka, Piper was exciting. I remember the icon interviews with Hogan like they were happening yesterday. I always think that angle was the one that came on the heels of NOW that put the WCW in a different stratosphere at the time. Piper beating Hogan was a thrill I shall always have, because not many a man in the ring can claim I beat Hogan when he was on top of his game. Now Hogan may have been older, but he was on top of his game during that stint, brother. So the bag piped hooligan had me fired up about wrestling once more in my darkest hour.

So I then come back to reality with Wrestlemania. I would jump up and down and rant about this show months ago, but I think the fire just couldn’t get ignited. That maybe is the worst compliment I can give a show. It left me with no reaction. I was hoping something would surprise me, or I would care about someone coming out of the grind, but at last I was without passion for anyone. Vince maybe has finally become my Nosferatu and sucked all the marrow out of life.

So here is to a so-so column about a so-so show put on by average writers. Give me a freaking break. I can feel the venom coming up from the bowels of my Irish Belly. The liquor is green not for the passing of St. Paddy’s day but by the wretched face of a bald villain. I hate you Vince! This wrestling company sails in a circle year after year…

Darlin' Danny Dunn

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