We begin with footage from last week when Marty Jannetty was supposed to join the Kiss My Ass Club as well as Shawn Michaels trying to tell him he doesn’t need to do it. We see Marty telling Shawn that he had to do it. We see Chris Masters come out as ‘Plan B’ for Marty only to see Shawn Michaels come down to make the save. Then we see Shane McMahon come out to help his father. We also find out that Shawn Michaels will face Shane McMahon in a Street Fight at Saturday Night’s Main Event. We also see Shawn kiss Vince’s ass.
We are live from Birmingham, Alabama and your announcers are Joey ‘I read it for the articles’ Styles, Jonathan ‘I have the Madness’ Coachman, and Jerry ‘There are articles’ Lawler.
There is NO CHANCE that Shane and Vince McMahon wouldn’t come to the ring at the start of the show. Vince performs a stunt as he enters the ring. They are accompanied by security. Vince says last night a lot of people sat at home and watched the Oscars. He says that the people who watched the Oscars and thought that it was a celebration of Hollywood’s elite. Vince says that it was three and a half hours of nothing but ass kissing. The crowd chants and Vince tells them to stop talking about Shawn kissing Vince’s ass. The ass kissing last night paled in comparison to Shawn ‘kissing’ Vince’s ass last week and we have photographic proof. He thanks Shawn Michaels as well as the other people who made it possible. Vince is handed a list of people to thank as music plays in the background. Vince thanks the Spirit Squad because they provided the cheer to inspire him to drop his pants. He thanks Chris Masters because the Master Lock was nothing short of breathtaking. Chris Masters and Carlito are now the number one contenders and they will face Big Show and Kane for the tag titles at Wrestlemania. He thanks Marty Jannetty because his decision to stick with his convictions is nothing but courageous. Therefore, he will not get a WWE contract and he will never appear in a WWE ring again. Vince also wants to thank ‘the little people’ who continue to kiss their boss’s asses every day for their lack of spine, willingness to do anything to keep their jobs, and to keep Vince McMahon going. Finally, Vince thanks Shane and he makes reference to the movie ‘Crash’ and talks about Shawn’s face ‘crashing’ into Vince’s naked ass. Vince tells Shane that he loves him and they hug.
Vince says that everyone probably thinks that Shawn Michaels is upset and the security is here to protect Vince and Shane. The protection is for Shawn Michaels because of who he will be facing at Wrestlemania. He will not be facing a normal sixty year old man; he will be facing the sixty year old man who is on the cover of Muscle & Fitness magazine. Vince says that if Shawn thinks he is going to win at Wrestlemania or at Saturday Night’s Main Event, he has ‘no chance in hell’.
Shawn Michaels’s music plays and security stands between the Titantron and the ring, but Shawn Michaels comes through the crowd and he attacks Vince and then Shane who returns to the ring. Shane and Vince leave the ring while security holds Shawn in the ring.
Vince tells Shawn that he has a street fight with Shane at Saturday Night’s Main Event, but tonight, he will go one-on-one with Shane. Shane looks a tad confused. Shane keeps Vince from getting back into the ring as we go to commercial.
We are back and Shane says that he is not ready to face Shawn tonight. Vince tells Shane that he promised to make Shawn’s life a living hell and it starts tonight.
Match Number One: Shelton Benjamin (with Mama Benjamin) versus Ric Flair for the Intercontinental Title
Benjamin attacks Flair before the bell and kicks him. Benjamin with a punch followed by an Irish whip and back body drop for a near fall. Benjamin with a Samoan drop for a two count. Benjamin with a delayed vertical suplex to Flair for a two count. Benjamin with an Irish whip and then he talks to the referee, but the delay allows Flair to chop and punch Benjamin. Flair backs Benjamin into the corner with punches, chops, and kicks. Flair chops Benjamin again and punches him before chopping Benjamin to the mat. Benjamin pokes the referee in the eye and Flair puts Benjamin in the figure four leg lock and Benjamin taps. The referee calls for the bell.
Winner: Ric Flair
It is announced that Flair won by disqualification. Flair punches Benjamin and then kicks him. Flair goes over to Mama Benjamin and takes the oxygen tank and goes back into the ring and hits Benjamin in the abdomen with the oxygen tank. Flair hits him one more time in the abdomen as Benjamin falls out of the ring. We go to commercial.
On Unlimited, Rob Van Dam is in the interview area with Todd Grisham. Todd wants to know if Rob is confident about the match. From out of nowhere, Teddy Long interrupts and he says that he is here because Mr. McMahon has asked him to come to Raw to make a major announcement. At Wrestlemania 22, the Money in the Bank match is inter-promotional with three superstars from Raw and three superstars from Smackdown contending for a guaranteed title match. The qualifying matches start this week on Smackdown. Rob says that it doesn’t matter who is in the match at Wrestlemania because Todd is looking at the winner and that is Rob Van Dam.
We go to a moments ago moment of Teddy Long’s announcement on Unlimited about the Smackdown superstars who will be in the Money in the Bank match as well as the three Raw superstars with the qualifying matches starting this week on Smackdown.
Match Number Two: Triple H (with GameFountain) versus Kane in a Wrestlemania 15 rematch
Hunter with an eye poke and punches to Kane that backs him into the ropes. Kane with a big boot to Hunter and then he tosses Hunter into the corner and punches him and then connects with a back elbow and uppercut. Kane with an Irish whip and running clothesline that sends Hunter to the mat. Kane winds up for a clothesline, but Hunter is able to hit a running high knee, but Kane sits up. Hunter punches Kane, but Kane shakes it off and he hits Hunter with an uppercut. Kane with a back body drop and then he goes up top. Hunter crotches Kane and Kane falls to the mat. Hunter tries for a suplex, but Kane blocks it. Kane is able to counter with a suplex of his own. Kane with punches to Hunter, but Hunter with a kick. Hunter with a jaw breaker to Kane followed by a kick and he sets up for the Pedigree, but Kane with a back body drop to Hunter. Kane with a clothesline to Hunter followed by two Irish whip and running clotheslines. Kane with a delayed side slam and then he goes up top. Kane with the jumping clothesline and then Kane sets up for the choke slam, but from out of nowhere, Chris Masters comes out. Kane with a big boot to Masters. Hunter clotheslines Kane over the top rope to the floor. Kane tries to pull Hunter out of the ring, but Hunter holds on to the referee. From out of nowhere, Carlito comes out and he spits an apple in Kane’s face and throws Kane into the ring post before Masters and Carlito roll Kane back into the ring. Hunter hits the Pedigree for the three count.
Winner: Triple H
After the match, Masters and Carlito hug while Hunter gestures that he will be an eleven time World Champion. We go to commercial.
On Unlimited, Masters and Carlito talk about how they have shown that they can win the Tag Titles at Wrestlemania. Masters says that they aren’t done because he has a plan. Masters tells Carlito to trust him because it is ‘cool’. Carlito tells Masters not to steal his lines.
We are back and Victoria is in the back with Torrie and ‘Little Billy’. Victoria tells Torrie that they need to make sure that nobody sees the cover until they are absolutely ready. Victoria wants to know what Torrie’s problem is. Torrie says that she tried to help Candice last week and then she slaps Torrie. Victoria talks about how Candice was talking about being the champion at Wrestlemania and then says that Torrie did screw it up. Victoria says that after tonight, they will be the ‘Three Amigas’ and Torrie corrects her that they will be the ‘Four Amigas’. Torrie wonders if Candice will be naked out there tonight, and Victoria says that knowing Candice anything is possible.
Shawn Michaels is in his locker room and Todd Grisham enters. Stephanie is in the locker room too. Shawn says that he has had enough of the McMahon family. Stephanie says that she has something to get off her chest. Stephanie tells Shawn that she is pregnant and it changes your life. Stephanie wants to apologize to Shawn on behalf of her brother and father because they will not do it. Stephanie also apologizes and she hopes that Shawn accepts the apology. Shawn tells Stephanie to sit down and then she asks Shawn to get her some water. When Shawn leaves, she pours something into Shawn’s water. He returns with some water and Stephanie apologizes for being trouble and she walks away. Shawn drinks the ‘tainted’ water as we go to commercial.
On Unlimited, Lawler wants to know if they are excited about Friday because that is the day that Playboy goes on the newsstands. Joey asks about last week when Candice slapped Torrie and we see footage from last week. Jerry reminds us one more time that the new issue of Playboy will be out.
Torrie Wilson and Victoria walk to the ring and the ‘cover’ is lowered to the ring.
We are back with a video package where Candice talks about how it was a dream to get in Playboy and how it is surreal. She talks about Playboy is a classy magazine. Candice says the issue is too hot to handle.
Torrie Wilson welcomes out Candice Michelle and we see the cover from Playboy and then it rises for us to see Candice in the outfit she is wearing on the cover. Candice spins for the crowd. Candice gets on the mic and asks if it is hot in there or if it is just her. She says that she was too hot for network TV, the Super Bowl, or Raw. She says that she is hotter than Trish Stratus. She is hotter than Stacy Keibler and then comments on how Stacy ‘choked’ by finishing third. Candice says that she is the hottest cover girl and the hottest cover girl from the WWE. Candice asks Torrie and Torrie says that she likes the cover. Candice wants Torrie to admit that Candice is the hottest WWE Diva to pose for Playboy. Torrie says that Candice is acting like the biggest bitch. Candice tells Torrie that maybe she is right because she has not been a really good friend lately so Torrie can celebrate her big moment. Candice and Torrie hug, but Victoria attacks Torrie from behind and then Candice slaps Torrie and gives her a modified Stroke. Candice and Victoria go to the ropes and they kiss before leaving the ring.
Shawn Michaels is in his locker room and he finishes his water before we go to commercial.
On Unlimited, it is time for Todd Grisham to take a look at the signs in the crowd.
We are back with footage of Shawn Michaels saving Marty Jannetty from kissing Vince’s ass only to be ambushed by Shane McMahon and a chair.
Before the next match, we see Shawn attack Vince and Shane followed by Shawn super kicking one of the security guards.
Match Number Three: ‘Dancing’ Shane McMahon (with Vince McMahon) versus Shawn Michaels
Shawn comes into the ring and he punches Shawn followed by kicks. Shawn swings at Vince and then he goes out after Shane. Shane punches Shawn as Shawn returns to the ring. Shane with another punch to Shawn. Shane with jabs in the corner and a back kick. Shawn is disoriented while Shane punches Shawn. Shawn with an Irish whip followed by a punch and chops. Shawn with a flying forearm to Shane. Shawn kips up, but he barely gets up. Shane punches Shawn and the ref checks on Shawn. Shane with jabs to Shawn. Vince holds the medical staff at bay while Shane continues to work over Michaels. Shane punches Shawn and Michaels goes down. Shane refuses to let the referee check on Shawn. Shane pulls Shawn up and punches him in the head. Shane covers and the referee hesitates before making the three count.
Winner: Shane McMahon
After the match, Shane and Vince celebrate in the ring while the referee checks on Shawn. Shane tells Lillian something as she comes onto the apron. Lillian says that Shawn has another match tonight and it is against his Wrestlemania opponent, Vince McMahon.
Match Number Four: Vince McMahon versus Shawn Michaels
Vince covers Shawn for the three count.
Winner: Vince McMahon
After the match, Shane and Vince celebrate in the ring.
The Spirit Squad comes out to celebrate with Vince and Shane. Vince and Shane are lifted up on their shoulders to celebrate. We go to commercial.
On Unlimited, Vince, Shane, and the Spirit Squad taunt Shawn Michaels as he is helped out of the ring.
We are back with a Moments Ago Moment of Shawn Michaels losing to Shane McMahon as well as Vince McMahon.
The Spirit Squad is still in the ring and Eugene comes to the ring. The Spirit Squad mocks Eugene as he waves to the crowd. Eugene wants the air horn, but they hide it from him.
Match Number Five: Eugene versus Ken Doane
Kenny attacks Eugene and hits a flying back elbow for a two count. Kenny slams Eugene and then he hits an elbow for a two count. Doane punches and kicks Eugene followed by another kick to Eugene’s head for a two count. Doane with a rear chin lock on Eugene. Doane with a side head lock, but Eugene is able to escape the hold. Doane attacks Eugene and punches him followed by a kick to Eugene’s head for a two count. Doane with a suplex for a two count followed by a rear chin lock. Eugene gets to his feet and he gets a rollup for a two count. Doane with punches to Eugene followed by an elbow for a two count. Doane with a snap mare and a sleeper. Eugene gets to his feet, but Doane slams Eugene’s head into the turnbuckle. Eugene does not feel the effects of the shots to his head. Eugene with the finger point of doom followed by a series of punches. Eugene with an airplane spin to Doane and both men are dizzy. Doane tries for a hip toss, but Eugene with a modified bulldog for a two count. Eugene with a rollup and bridge for a two count. Eugene with a clothesline and then he mocks the other members of the Spirit Squad. Eugene with a Rock Bottom. The Spirit Squad gets on the apron to distract the referee. Jeter comes in with a jumping spin kick and Doane hits a leg drop from the top turnbuckle for the three count.
Winner: Ken Doane
Edge and Lita are in the back and they are walking into commercial.
We have a WWE Rewind: Edge spearing Lita a month ago and Maria pinning Lita to allow Cena to pick Mick Foley to be the guest referee for Edge’s match with Cena.
On Unlimited, Mickie James comes to the ring. Mickie says that she is the host for the Kiss Cam tonight. Mickie says that she is going to be kissing Trish Stratus, who is on the cover of the new Divas Magazine.
We are back with a This Week in Wrestling History moment. We see footage from the March 1, 1986 episode of Saturday Night’s Main Event when Hulk Hogan faced The Magnificent Muraco for the WWF title only to be attacked by King Kong Bundy and Bobby Heenan and Hogan suffered a rib injury to set up their match at Wrestlemania 2 the next month where Hogan defeated Bundy in a steel cage match.
Match Number Six: Maria versus Lita (with Edge)
Maria tries to talk to Lita and offers her hand to Lita, but Lita with a clothesline. Lita with a knee to Maria and then she chokes Maria on the bottom rope while Edge watches. Lita with a boot to Maria’s back. Lita continues the attack when she slams Maria’s head into the mat. Lita with a suplex and then she gets a kiss from Edge for luck. Maria with a rollup for a two count. Lita punches Maria in the head and then she stands on Maria’s back and pulls Maria’s hair. Lita with a punch to Maria’s head. Lita with a kick to Maria’s abdomen and then she tosses Maria by her hair to the mat. Lita with an Irish whip, but she charges into a boot from Maria. Maria misses a clothesline and Lita with a kick and then she hits a DDT for the three count.
Winner: Lita
After the match, Lita holds Maria up for a spear, but from out of nowhere, Mick Foley comes in and he punches Edge. Lita climbs on Mick’s back and rakes his eyes. Edge with a spear to Foley and then he goes outside the ring to get two chairs. Edge hits Foley with one of the chairs and then he sets up for a one man conchairto and hits Foley with the conchairto. Edge gets the mic and says that he accepts the challenge for the hardcore match at Wrestlemania.
We go to commercial with a video package for the John Cena/Triple H match at Wrestlemania.
On Unlimited, Mick Foley is helped to the back by two officials. Then we see a Moments Ago Moment of the conchairto.
We are back and it is time to talk about the 2006 Hall of Fame inductees. We find out that Steve Austin will be inducting Bret Hart. Additionally, Eddie Guerrero will be inducted by Chavo Guerrero, Chris Benoit, and Rey Mysterio. We already know that Hulk Hogan will be inducting Gene Okerlund. USA Network will be broadcasting the ceremony on April 1st at 11:00 pm Eastern. The next inductee will be Sherri Martel. Shawn mentions that her success as a wrestler helped her as a manager. Vince says that Sherri was an influence. Shawn liked having Sherri in his corner because she had good instincts around the ring. Ted DiBiase says that she was one of the best.
Mickie James is excited to hear that Sherri will be in the Hall of Fame. Trish enters the room and she hugs Trish. Trish tells Mickie to calm down because they need to talk. Trish tells Mickie that she is too much. Trish says that Mickie appears at all of her autograph signings and then she gets too many text messages. She wants no more from Mickie and suggests that they have some time apart. Trish leaves and Mickie looks dejected.
It is time to talk about Saturday Night’s Main Event. There will be a street fight between Shawn Michaels and Shane McMahon. We will also see John Cena and Triple H face Randy Orton, Kurt Angle, and Rey Mysterio.
Big Show is in the back and he is doing push ups and then he walks into a commercial.
On Unlimited, Trevor Murdoch wants to talk about the Academy Awards because he was disappointed and almost brought to tears because his favorite movie, Brokeback Mountain did not win best picture. However, he liked that Ang Lee won for best director. Trevor says that he liked it when Ang said the movie was not about being lonely, but about finding true love. That made Trevor think about Bonanza because that show had an Asian on it. He understands when Hop Sing when he told Little Joe ‘I love you long time’.
We are back with a Smackdown Rebound with footage of Kurt Angle’s match against Undertaker as well as Mark Henry’s splash through the announce tables.
Match Number Seven: Big Show versus John Cena in a Wrestlemania XX rematch
Show and Cena have a stare down as the bell rings. Show sends Cena to the mat on a collar and elbow tie up. Cena kicks and punches Show, but he comes off the ropes into a big boot. Show with a head butt to Cena followed by a chop in the corner. They move to another corner for another chop from Show and Cena goes down. Show with an elbow to Cena’s head and then he stands on Cena’s chest. Show with a Beel that sends Cena across the ring. Show sends Cena into the ropes and then hits Show in the kidneys with a forearm. Show steps on Cena’s back and then hits Cena with a forearm to the back. Show slams Cena and then walks over Cena’s chest followed by a kick to Cena’s back. Cena punches Show in the abdomen, but he comes off the ropes into a side slam for a two count. Show with a bear hug to Cena and Cena tries to escape the hold by clapping his hands around Show’s ears and Cena eventually escapes the hold. Cena comes off the ropes into an elbow from Show. Show charges at Cena and Cena drops down and Show goes over the top rope to the floor.
Triple H emerges from the TitanTron with the GameHammer as we go to commercial.
On Unlimited, Cena talks to the referee while Hunter watches from the TitanStage. Cena comes off the apron and Show catches him. Cena is able to send Show into the ring post. Cena punches Show and then slams Show’s head into the ring steps and then he sends Show into the ring steps. Back inside the ring, Cena covers Show, but Show presses out. Cena with a reverse chin lock on Show while Hunter continues to watch. Cena punches Show and he tries for a clothesline, but Show does not go down. Show with a power slam for a two count.
Back on USA, Show chops Cena in the chest and then suplexes Cena with a delayed vertical suplex and Show gets a two count. Show puts Cena in the corner and chops him and Cena goes down. Show with a suplex to Cena and he gets a two count. Show with a step over leg drop for a two count. Cena punches Show, but Show reverses an Irish whip. Show charges into a boot, but Show catches Cena when he comes off the turnbuckle and slams him. Show goes up top and from out of nowhere, Carlito and Masters come out. From out of nowhere, Kane comes out and they fight to the back.
Back to the action in the ring, Cena suplexes Show from the turnbuckle and gets a two count. Hunter works his way down the Rawest Ramp in Sports Entertainment and Cena focuses on his challenger and Gamey. Show with a clothesline to Cena and he signals for the choke slam. Cena counters a choke slam attempt with a DDT. Cena with a flying shoulder, but Show does not go down. Cena with a flying shoulder that sends Show into the turnbuckle. Cena gets out of a choke slam attempt and Cena hits the FU for the three count.
Winner: John Cena
After the match, Hunter and Cena stare each other down with Cena holding up his title belt while Hunter holds up Gamey and Hunter walks up the ramp as we go to credits.